


Masturbating Buddies

by HolyFuckingHell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean Winchester, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Porn, Porn Watching, Sex, Sex Toys, Top Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Vibrators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:20:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28005288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyFuckingHell/pseuds/HolyFuckingHell
Summary: It seriously started out innocent. Or at least as innocent as mutual masturbation can be. Then, of course, as things often do, they escalated. Cas just wanted to know how to masturbate... So Dean helps him. He doesn't mind and it gives him an outlet for all the seriously strong and secret feelings he has for Cas. That he absolutely is NOT going to confess... To ANYONE.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 79
Kudos: 219





	1. Random Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading!! I hope y'all like it!!!

Dean likes Cas. A lot. And he’s only just recently admitted it to himself. After months and months and years and years of pushing his feelings as far down as he could make them go, he grew tired of it. He loves Cas. So much and it’s scary. He doesn’t know how long he’s been in love with Cas. He knows he’s been pushing the feelings away for a while but he doesn’t know if maybe there was a time before that where he didn’t realize he was. Has he been in love with Cas this whole time? The thought in itself is bizarre. 

He hasn’t told anyone.  _ Especially _ Cas. And he won’t. It’s too risky. He can’t lose Cas and Dean knows for sure that Cas isn’t in love with him. How could he be? He’s a freaking angel of the lord and Dean is just… Dean. 

Dean acts the same around him, or at least he tries to. The only thing that’s changed is that Dean acknowledges his feelings. 

He doesn’t even think Cas really has that kind of affection. He knows Cas loves him, Cas said! But in a family way. Like a brother or something. And Dean is pretty sure Cas isn’t into like… physical stuff. Every time the topic comes up he is confused and seemingly uninterested. 

So it doesn’t even matter. 

It doesn’t. 

He’ll just secretly love Cas for the rest of his life and not do a goddamn thing about it. It’s worth it if they can stay friends. Dean isn’t going to do anything to jeopardize that. 

And hey, maybe there’s a teeny, tiny, microscopic shred of a chance that Cas likes Dean. And if he does, surely he’ll say something. Cas has always been pretty bold. Dean hopes every time Cas opens his mouth that it’s to confess his undying love for him, but alas, he doesn’t.

Dean used to think about just doing it, and how he would do it. He’s had the conversation in his head  _ dozens _ of times. He used to think of exactly what he would say, how he would say it, what he would do… But he stopped thinking about that. He’s never going to. It’s senseless. It’s only a fantasy at this point. Sometimes he wonders if he should just tell  _ somebody.  _ Anybody. Just to get the weight off his chest because that weight is crushing him and slowly killing him. Not Cas. But somebody. Jack could keep a secret. Sam would be supportive, but he might try to get involved. Roweena, maybe? She can sometimes give good advice, and at the very least, she’ll listen. Garth maybe? Jody? Donna? They would all be very nice to him about it. Claire? She would be less nice, maybe not tell Claire. Anybody. A stranger he’ll never see again? Just someone. 

He won’t. If he tells  _ anyone _ then there is a chance it could get back to Cas so he’s not going to tell  _ anyone. _

He fantasizes about it though. He fantasizes about a lot of things. It keeps him up a night most nights. Pretty late at night too. And that’s exactly why he’s awake right now. 

Well, half awake. Laying on his stomach. Eyes closed. Trying to sleep. Trying to shut his brain off. Starting to drift away. Sometimes he’s not even sure if he’s asleep or not. When he drifts off while still thinking. That and the fact that he’s a light sleeper, so when he wakes up, the only way he could tell he was ever sleeping is that time has passed. 

He’s always been a light sleeper.

Dean finally goes to sleep around 2. 

And around 2:15, his door opens. Dean wakes up, startled by the sound of shuffling. He stays still, reaching for his gun. And quickly, he moves to aim it towards the sound. Dean looks, “Cas?” Cas stands up. Cas was bent over digging around under Dean’s bed. Dean lets his hand go slack, putting his gun back onto the side table. He’s confused. “What are you doing, man? What time is it?”

“Sorry to wake you,” Cas blushes. Dean doesn’t see because it’s pretty dark. Dean notices something in Cas’s hand as he moves it swiftly behind his back to hide it. “I was just looking for something, I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“Okay…” Dean processes. “Well, did you find it?” Cas tilts his head, “What you were looking for?” Dean doesn’t ask him what exactly he  _ was _ looking for, just if he found it or not.

“Uhm,” Cas looks away quickly. Dean doesn’t know why Cas is acting so weird. “Yes, I think so.” 

“Do you need anything?” Dean asks finally.

“No… In fact, I think I’ll let you go back to sleep… Again, I apologize. I know you have trouble going to sleep.” How could Cas possibly know that? “Oh!” Cas says, reaching for Dean, “I could put you to sleep! Would you like that?”

Dean moves away from Cas’s hand. “-No,” Dean chuckles, “No, I’m good. Thanks.”

“Very well,” Cas puts his hand down. “If you change your mind, feel free to ask. It’s really no trouble”

“Okay, Cas,” Dean giggles. 

“Okay,” Cas stiffens up. “I’m going to leave now. I hope your dreams are pleasant.” Cas starts to walk out of the room. 

“Hey uh, Cas?” Cas freezes. “Maybe next time do this during the day?”

“Next time?” Cas says confused. 

“I mean like… I almost shot you, so… Not that that would have done anything other than wake everyone else up, but you know…” 

“Oh. I understand. Okay.” Cas nods. “Sorry again.” And Cas walks out, shutting the door. Dean huffs and lays back down and tries to go back to sleep. 

He wakes up again around 8:30, so not a bad night of sleep. He sits up, still curious about what happened last night with Cas. What was he even looking for? Dean doesn’t even keep anything under his bed except for-

“Fuck,” Dean mumbles and jolts up. He kneels on the floor and reaches under his bed and pulls out a sizable box. 

The only thing Dean keeps under his bed is his box of porn. Old magazines, lots of them. Some old DVDs and some even older VHSs. Dean got rid of most of his VHS tapes, but he kept his favorite three. He hasn’t found any DVDs better than these three VHSs. Porn used to be so good. Porn on the internet is great because it’s accessible, but Dean still prefers his VHS and DVDs because they hold integrity. But, because it’s a bit of a hassle, he only uses them for special occasions. 

Dean struggles to find VHSs  _ anyway,  _ so it makes sense that his VHS number stays at a constant three tape collection. He’s looking for some good ones because the porn he’s gotten more into lately has been a bit…  _ different. _

His first love of porn featured just women. But, girl and guy is cool too. Slowly he became more interested in the guy which is weird because he thought he watched only for the girls. It was an accident if he ever looked at or focused on the dudes. But then he saw one DVD of this guy… Dean saw his face… and his chest heaving… and he tensed up… and he made the most amazing sound Dean had ever heard in porn… And he came. So hard. 

Dean was  _ infatuated. _ He rewound and watched it a few more times for… experimental purposes. 

Long story short… Dean started looking for porn featuring  _ just _ dudes. Which is fine. Because just because he likes watching dudes have sex doesn’t mean he doesn’t also like to watch women have sex. It’s totally fine. He thinks it’s fine. He’s come to terms with it anyway… 

Besides, he is hopelessly in love with his best friend… And said best friend is a dude. 

Dean, inspecting the box, looks for something that could be missing. He thinks Cas may have had something in his hand when he caught him, but it was late and maybe Dean has just imagined it. He had to have. What does Cas want with his porn? Did Cas  _ know _ what was under Dean’s bed? 

Then Dean remembers. And he starts panicking. He quickly shuffles through, picking up the stack of magazines. He sighs in relief. 

Under his stack of magazines, Dean keeps a vibrator. It stays in the box it came in, but that doesn’t mean Dean never uses it. He became rather curious, as one does. He couldn’t help it. Seriously though, it’s natural to be curious, right? He was watching other dudes take it up the ass and they seemed to really like that. And Dean is curious by nature, he has to be in his line of work. So… A vibrator. 

His first time trying it was  _ so _ amazing, Dean wishes he would have been doing it the whole time. Just his fingers while he tried opening himself up for the first time felt  _ way _ better than expected. Then he finally got the thing in and it vibrated so intensely inside him. It felt better than anything he’s ever experienced and he had experienced  _ a lot. _ He planned on jacking off while it was inside him, but once he slid the thing in, he couldn’t stop thrusting it. Slowly, in and out. He came faster than he usually does, it would have been embarrassing had someone else been there. Dean looked it up later and found out that the vibrator kept hitting his prostate and  _ that’s _ why it felt so good. Dean’s never had that stimulated before. Needless to say, the vibrator was worth the money, and the embarrassment of walking into the store to buy it. He thought about saying that he was buying it for his girlfriend, not for himself, but that would have been just as embarrassing, if not more.

Luckily, the vibrator is still there. In the box. Where Dean left it. Dean doesn’t think Cas even saw it. 

Dean puts the magazines back, feeling a bit calmer. He was being ridiculous anyway. He might not know what Cas was looking for but it sure as hell wasn’t porn. What does Cas want with porn, anyway? He starts reorganizing it to push back under his bed when he sees it. 

He only has  _ two _ VHSs. 

Dean is instantly confused. Did he leave it out last time he watched it? No. Dean never forgets to put them back. That can leave only one option. 

Cas stole his porn. 

Dean pushes the box back under the bed and stands up. He just stands up. Frozen. He’s thinking. 

Surely Cas didn’t take it. Though, it would explain why Cas was being subtly weird last night. And why he would do it when Dean was asleep. But no. Cas didn’t steal his porn. No. 

Dean is a bit relieved that if Cas  _ did  _ take it, that at least it was normal, red-blood, straight-male porn. It wasn’t that gay shit he’s got slowly piling up in there. 

But there’s  _ no way _ Cas took his porn. There’s just no way.

Dean shakes his head and gets dressed for the day. Trying not to think about it. 

If Cas didn't take the VHS,  _ which there’s no way he did,  _ then it’s somewhere, and Dean’s gotta find it. It’s not  _ urgent.  _ He doesn’t have to drop everything and look for it, but he is going to keep an eye out for it… 

Right after he checks all the VCRs because that's quick due to their limited amount in the bunker. There are three, as far as Dean knows. One in his room, one in Sam’s room, one in the TV room. He also checks Jack's room because he can’t remember if Jack has one or not. He doesn’t. Thank fuck because that would have been such an awkward conversation. 

He doesn’t find it, but he doesn’t keep looking. He’s not  _ super _ concerned. He’s just a  _ little _ concerned. Because of the  _ little, _ small chance that it was Cas that took it, but Cas didn’t take it. Dean throws that idea out of his head every time it pops in. 

He goes about his day like normal and does  _ not _ bring it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you're thinking and it's best to read the second half of this note in your best John Mulaney voice...
> 
> 'I bet Cas DID steal his porn.'


	2. The Missing VHS

At the end of the day, Dean still hasn’t found it. No big deal. He didn’t like- Deep search or anything, so no shock that he didn’t. When Dean saw Cas that morning, he acted a bit strangely at first but then chilled right out. Dean chalks it up to just Cas being Cas. 

Later, Dean’s laying in bed. 

Cas. 

Damn. He loves Cas. His smile. His laugh. His stupid trench coat. His dumb, backward tie. His fucking disheveled  _ sex hair. _ His scruff because he never shaves clean. His dry sense of humor. His soft, blue eyes. His walk, so swift and proper. His ass. Fuck, he’s got a nice ass. Dean only ever gets to see it when the trench coat is off and that isn’t very often. And his soft touch, so delicate and tender. His hugs. His jawline. His learned sarcasm. His sass. He’s always been sassy and even a bit snarky. Dean loves it. Loves him so much. 

And every day it just gets worse. 

Sometimes Dean wonders if there will ever come a day when he finally decides enough if enough. And he’ll just tell Cas. Because he’s too fed up, or too tired of the longing and the pining and the staring and the wishing and willing Cas to just- Just crash their bodies together and kiss until they die. 

Or something less dramatic of course would also be good. 

Sometimes Dean wonders if that will ever happen. Every day that passes by, he wonders less. It’s not going to happen, he knows that. It’s too dangerous. Cas is this fantastic, powerful warrior and Dean is just… Dean. 

He can’t lose him. Not again. 

The only thing worse than being alone at night is being alone all the time. 

And yeah, Dean would love it if he and Cas fucked. He was weirded out by the thought of it when he was trying to ignore that feeling in his chest that draws him to Cas, but now, it actually sounds like a hell of a time. 

Sure he’s a virgin, or close to it anyway. But what if he’s up for it? What if he wants to get fucked? What if he wants to do the fucking? What if he’s really good at it? What if he can do some sort of ‘special angel thing’ that makes it better? Oh! What if he’s hung?! Dean bets he’s hung. In the couple times that Dean has given him a glance, the bulge in his pants would suggest he’s hung. 

So yeah, Dean would love it if he and Cas fucked. 

But, it doesn’t even need to be that! They could just… Hold hands… Or kiss! Or maybe just, hold each other really close… and Dean could snuggle into Cas and feel warm and safe and happy and good… Something. Just, something.  _ Anything. _

At this point, Dean would take anything. 

He’s been lying in bed for a while. It’s become sort of a pattern. A terrible pattern which is so horrible, he hates it. He’s miserable. He tries to go to bed but lays awake for hours. Not doing anything. Alone. With his thoughts.  _ For hours. _ Until he tires himself out with his unrequited love for Cas. Then he sleeps. Unsoundly. 

It’s late again. Later than last time. He is not even close to sleeping. He adjusts positions. He’s only got two pillows on his bed so that limits his options. He’s laying his head on one. He likes to hug around another, but he also likes to have one between his legs. He could hug one, put one between his legs, and then just lay on the mattress… But that’s ridiculous. He settles with the spare pillow between his legs. 

He needs to get some more damn pillows. 

He sighs big and closes his eyes. If he keeps his eyes closed long enough, eventually he’ll just be asleep. It’s a foolproof plan. 

Eyes closed. Done.

Next step, sleep.

Sleep. 

Why can’t he sleep?

No, don’t think about Cas, just go to sleep. 

Go the fuck to sleep.

Okay, trying again. Eyes closed.

Sleep-

Dean hears a faint noise. He keeps his eyes closed and listens. It sounds far away. It’s still very faint, but just a bit louder. Not loud enough to wake anyone up, but loud enough to hear if you are already awake. Which Dean is. Dean sits up then holds still. He can still hear the noise, it sounds like music. A little bit. 

He quickly pulls on a tshirt. If he’s leaving his room, he’s gonna be wearing more clothes than just a pair of briefs. He steps quietly to the door. The music is more defined now, but still very, very quiet. 

Dean steps out of his room, closing his door as quietly as possible and he starts walking down the hall, toward the noise. 

The music gets louder as he walks so he figures it’s coming from the TV. Maybe someone forgot to turn it off. 

The music is actually kind of familiar but Dean can’t quite figure it out. As he thinks he may be just starting to recognize it, it stops. Dean rolls his eyes. It’s nothing, he just has to turn off the TV. 

He walks around the corner. His eyes blow wide and he jumps out of sight again. He breathes deep and quiet to calm down. He was spooked, he just wasn’t expecting to see anyone. It’s just Cas. 

Dean peaks his head around the corner and analyzes for a moment. 

Cas is sitting on the couch but he looks uncomfortable. Dean can only see the side of his face so he’s judging off of that, and by the way he’s sitting and moving slightly. He’s squirming a little bit- Was that a moan? Did the TV just moan? 

Dean looks past Cas and at the TV. His eyes go wide again. Cas is watching porn. 

Cas is watching porn.  _ His  _ porn. 

Cas  _ did _ steal his porn! 

That's what Cas was looking for last night! 

Dean watches Cas, still confused. Why did Cas take his VHS porn and why is he now watching it? Dean is still trying to figure it out. 

On the TV, the girl has just finished undressing and is now undressing the man. Dean looks back to Cas to see how he reacts to the naked people he’s staring so intensely at on the TV. 

The next part, the girl just started to jack the guy off. Dean half-smiles. It really is a great shot of his dick. It’s a great angle. He swallows then looks back to Cas. Cas’s head is tilted and he’s squinting. Still squirming. Dean looks a little closer and sees that Cas is hard. 

It would be a good thing to know that when Cas watches porn he gets hard because that means he’s probably aroused, right? But then Dean remembers the last time Cas watched porn when he watched it in front of him and Sam, he was also hard. And Dean remembers Cas being a bit confused. So maybe it was just like… his vessel's reaction. And not his. So maybe that’s what’s happening here too. 

Does Cas like it? Dean can’t tell.

Dean watches Cas’s chest heave greatly when he sighs deeply. 

He can’t explain why because he doesn’t really know, but Dean is a little let down that Cas isn’t like… Well, it looks like he’s not really enjoying it. And this is one of Dean’s favorites. Definitely top five. 

Dean just watches Cas now. Is he hard because he likes it? Cas adjusts the way he’s sitting. He looks uncomfortable. Why doesn’t he just unzip his pants?… Then he wouldn’t be uncomfortable. Cas pushes his palm into the bulge he’s got in his pants. Dean feels sort of excited for a moment. Maybe it does feel good for Cas… That thought disappears when Cas doesn’t do it again. 

Why isn’t he touching himself? It looks like he wants to so why isn’t he doing it? Dean really wants Cas to touch himself.

And with that thought, Dean realizes that the appropriate amount of time he should be allowed to look at this is  _ long _ overdue. Two seconds. Two seconds would have been okay. Two seconds to realize what was going on and to walk away. Not six or seven minutes. Dean quietly walks back to his room. 

Dean lays on his bed and sighs again. At least he knows where his porn went. 

He’s pretty upset that all that happened was Cas watched porn. Cas probably doesn’t like the physical stuff. Maybe he just… Doesn’t have the equipment necessary to feel that way. 

Dean rolls his eyes. He should be asleep right now. He shouldn’t have seen that. And he shouldn’t have stared. He just got so damn curious! Is that his fault? Is it his fault he’s curious? 

Yes. 

And not only does he have to deal with what he did, but he also has to deal with the horrible feeling of knowing that nothing physical will  _ ever _ happen with Cas. 

But he was starting to get that anyway. 

Dean decides that he wants to hug the pillow after all. 

He gets comfortable again, laying on his side, curling around the pillow with his arms, and reaching a knee up to it. Then he closes his eyes. Next step is sleep-

Dean hears his doorknob turn. Quick, pretend you’re asleep. 

“Dean?” Cas whispers softly, stepping into the room. 

Fuck! He shouldn’t have pretended to be asleep! This is so embarrassing the way he is positioned right now! He should’ve switched positions into something a little less ‘lonely and horny guy who uses pillows as a substitute for a person to lay with because he’s in love with the one person who he can’t be in love with.’

It’s too late now though. 

Cas steps over to Dean’s bed, Dean can hear it. Cas reaches out and touches Dean’s shoulder “Dean?” He tries to wake him up. 

Dean knows in order to sell this that he has to jerk awake. So he does. “Oh, Cas?” He says, then feels stupid because that was stupid. 

“Sorry, I want to talk to you…” Cas says lowly. 

“Uh,” Dean swallows. He sits up and turns on one of his lamps. “Okay…”

Cas kneels on the bed next to Dean. “It’s about tonight…” 

Fuck! Cas knows! Cas knows Dean watched him like a creepy creeper who watches people when they don’t know! He’s disgusting! He knew he should’ve left and he stayed! He’s the worst and Cas knows! He totally violated Cas, he had no business doing what he did. Fuck! 

Cas passes Dean the VHS and avoids Dean’s eyes. “I uhm, I took this. That's what I was looking for last night.”

Dean takes the tape from him, “Oh…” So Cas doesn’t know how creepy and weird Dean acted. That’s good. “That’s fine… I’ll put it back if you’re done with it…” Dean tries to say casually. 

“So you aren’t mad?” Cas asks. 

“No… It’s cool.” Dean smiles at him. “Next time just ask, it’s no big deal.”

“I think I am embarrassed about it though.”

“What do you mean you  _ think _ you are embarrassed?” Dean questions. 

“I’m feeling something new and I think it’s embarrassment.”

“You've never been embarrassed before?” Dean raises an eyebrow. Cas still won't look at him. 

“I don’t think so. Will you please describe what embarrassment feels like?”

“Uhm,” Dean thinks. “It’s like… You’re ashamed that you did something and you get kinda… uncomfortable and wish no one knew what just happened,” Dean swallows. “And you want it to be a secret or you want it to go away…” 

“Yes, this is the first time I have felt embarrassed.”

“Well,” Dean clears his throat. “You could have put it back and I probably wouldn’t have even noticed it was gone!” He lies to maybe make Cas feel better. 

“I don’t know. That sort of feels like lying to you.”

“Oh,” Dean nods, “Well, you don’t need to be embarrassed. If anyone should be embarrassed, it should be me because you,” Dean laughs, trying to ease the tension he feels in his chest. “You saw how much porn I have…”

“Then I have some good news for you. I didn’t really get a good look at the box of pornography. I just picked the first thing that caught my eye because I was so nervous.”

“Oh,” Dean smiles. “Well, I’ll put this back later then,” He chuckles. Cas also chuckles and that makes Dean smile genuinely. It’s quiet for a moment and Cas doesn’t look like he’s leaving anytime soon. “Is there… Anything else?” Dean asks curiously. 

“Oh, uhm,” Cas looks away again. Dean sees that he’s blushing but that's weird because Cas doesn’t blush. “I was wondering if I could get your help with something.”

“Sure… What?” Dean asks.

“I’m embarrassed about it.”

“Okay… I won’t make fun of you… I’ll be respectful.” Dean nods, “What’s up?”

“Alright…” Cas closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He swallows. “I was wondering if you could help me masturbate,” Cas says plainly.

“What?” Dean asks, shocked. 

Cas looks kind of panicked at Dean's immediate reaction. “Not if that would make you uncomfortable-” Cas says hastily. Cas looks like he’s regretting asking. 

“Well, uhm… What- What do you mean?” Dean stutters. “Like, w-what am I doing for you?” Dean is just trying to figure out what it is that Cas wants. If he wants Dean to do something  _ for him _ as in  _ jack him off or something,  _ then, of course, Dean is all for that. He just doesn’t want to do or suggest that if that’s not what Cas means. 

“Uhm…” Cas looks straight down. “I don’t know… I was hoping we could figure that out in this conversation…”

“Okay,” Dean nods. “Well… I guess we gotta figure out what turns you on… Unless you already know…”

Cas looks up at Dean. “Uhm, I think-” Cas swallows. “I don’t know,” Cas looks away.

“So we can work on that…” Dean shrugs. 

“We can? So you are going to help me?”

“I would be happy to,” Dean nods.

“Yes! Thank you!” Cas celebrates. “What else do we need to do?”

“Uhm,” Dean thinks. “I guess we also need to figure out what feels good for you…” Dean sighs, “Again, unless you already know…”

“I haven’t done much… but I know it feels good when I go like this…” Cas presses his palm into his clothed dick just like he did before when Dean was being all  _ ‘stalker-y.’ _ “It’s actually quite pleasant… Feel-” Cas reaches out and touches Dean’s junk through his boxers. 

“Woah!” Dean pulls his blanket up because he just realized there is a very thin layer of cloth between Cas’s hand and his cock. 

“I’m sorry! Did that hurt you?” Cas asks.

“No,” Dean shakes his head. “I was just shocked.” Dean adjusts the blanket so that Cas can’t see that he just got hard from that. 

“My apologies, Dean. I overstepped, I won’t do it again.” 

Dean sighs and tries to  _ also _ hide his disappointment that Cas won’t be doing that again.

“Well,” Cas gets up, breaking the awkward stillness that Dean created. “I will let you go to sleep. Thank you for agreeing to help me with this! I’ve wanted to try for a while now. I suppose we can start tomorrow?”

Dean nods.

“Okay, great!” Cas smiles at Dean. Cas turns off Dean’s lamp. “You’re a good friend, Dean. Thank you. I hope your dreams are pleasant!” And Cas walks out of the room. 

Dean lays back down, this time on his back. He holds the pillow to his chest. It sucks that Cas just called Dean a friend, but Dean already knew they were friends.

He is very excited that he’s gonna help Cas masturbate though. It sounds like it can be fun and definitely like it can be an outlet for Dean and his idiot feelings. And, maybe Cas will really like it! And then Dean will be credited with making Cas feel good. And  _ fuck _ does he want to make Cas feel good.

Dean reaches his hand down and touches himself just like Cas did then smiles. He hugs his arms back around the pillow. 

Then he closes his eyes. 

Then finally, he sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a great plan, right? Dean is such a good friend...
> 
> Comment what you think!


	3. First Lesson

Dean actually slept pretty good after that. He wakes up at a decent time. He slept so much better in fact that he slept for longer, like a normal person. Usually, he likes to wake up earlier than this, but he’s happy he got almost eight hours for once. Seven and a half… Almost. That never happens. 

Dean gets up for the first time in a while where he’s actually excited to start the day. 

When he first sees Cas, Cas smiles so brightly at him.  _ So _ brightly. Dean smiles back. He loves Cas’s stupid, dorky grin. As it’s starting, just one corner of his mouth goes up. Then when it reaches its top height, there begins a full smile, teeth, and all. It makes Dean feel very bubbly. And he loves that the smile is directed at him.

Cas doesn’t say anything about this whole  _ ‘masturbation plan’ _ they got going, thankfully. But every  _ single _ time Cas and Dean make eye contact, Cas smiles brightly. Full smiles. Every time. It’s the best day that Dean has had for a long time. 

It’s already a good day and they haven’t even had lunch yet. Dean slept good, Cas is smiling at him all the time, and later- Well… Dean doesn’t exactly know what is going to happen later, but he knows it’s gonna be interesting. 

After breakfast, Sam announces that he is going to the store. Which is great. Then Jack offers to go with him. Which is perfect. Dean is  _ so _ glad he went last time. 

It would have been okay if they were there in the bunker all day but this… This is better. 

Dean watches impatiently as Sam and Jack walk out the door. Once they finally do, he turns to Cas. It looks like Cas had the same idea because he  _ also _ looks like he’s waiting impatiently for them to disappear. 

“I feel as if now is an appropriate time for you to help me masturbate.” Cas bites his lip through a smile. 

“Yeah, now feels like a good time.”

“Okay, I will follow you to your room then.” Cas nods eagerly. 

“Alright,” Dean turns towards his room. 

“I’m excited for this, Dean,” Cas says happily. 

“I can tell,” Dean nods. 

Suddenly, Cas grabs Dean’s hand. And just like that, they are holding hands. “You should be walking faster,” Cas says. This helps Dean realize that Cas isn’t holding his hand in a cute way. His hypothesis is confirmed when Cas starts dragging him along to his room, but still, Dean likes the feeling of Cas’s hand in his. Cas pulls Dean up to the door to his room, letting him go, wanting him to open it and walk in first. It’s courtesy because it’s not his room. Cas giggles, “I’ve been looking forward to this since I left your room yesterday night!” It seems like Cas couldn't stop smiling even if he wanted to.

Dean swings the door open. “Is that so?” Dean jokes.

“Yes! I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. So long that I lost track of how long!”

“Why didn’t you… ask sooner?” Dean questions. 

“Well, I was embarrassed and didn’t know how you would take it!” Cas exclaims, “But I suppose since we are friends, it’s okay, right?”

“Yeah,” Dean swallows. 

This is fine! Cas thinks it’s just a friend thing… This is actually good. It will keep everything from being awkward. 

“So, how do we begin?” Cas looks at Dean, eyes wide. 

“Uhm… I think… Porn is good to masturbate to… It’s a good start.”

“Alright!” Cas says excitedly. “What kind of pornography?”

Dean walks to the side of the bed that the box is under. “Well, I guess since we don’t know what you like, we’ll just have to try different things every time until we get it…” 

“That sounds logical.” Cas nods.

“Okay…” Dean pulls out his box of porn. “We can start with this one…” Dean pulls out a DVD and holds it up for Cas to see. He stands up and walks over to his TV. “You can sit… Or lay down…”

“Uhm,” Cas tilts his head. “Which one do  _ you _ prefer?” Cas asks.

“Uhh,” Dean awkwardly laughs, “I usually prefer to sit when I’m looking at the TV…”

“Okay, I’ll sit then…” Cas walks to Dean’s desk and pulls out the chair from under it and faces it towards the TV.

Dean gets the video going, all he has to do now is press play. “You aren’t going to sit on the bed?”

“I assumed you did not want me to masturbate on your bed,” Cas informs. “Do you, in fact, want me to masturbate on your bed?” Cas asks  _ so _ sincerely. 

“Uhm,” The way that Cas worded that freaks Dean out a bit. “Whatever you think is comfortable.” Dean presses play and the beginning credits and title screen come on. “Er, Cas?” Cas looks to Dean. “You have to actually… take your pants off for this…”   
“Oh, yes, of course!” Cas nods. He starts untying his shoes. 

“Uhm,” Dean chokes. “We can throw a blanket over your lap so you can have a little privacy…” Dean awkward grins. 

“Very well,” Cas nods. Dean hands him a spare blanket and Cas unfolds it over his lap. “And now I can take off my pants?” Dean nods. “And underwear?” Cas asks. 

“Yes,” Dean nods, trying not to make eye contact with Cas. He sits on his bed and rests his back against the headboard. 

Dean thinks Cas is finally naked under the blanket because the shuffling stopped. “I am very excited,” Cas smiles again, turning to Dean. “Dean,” Cas says, sounding slightly upset, “You are going to masturbate too,” Cas says like a fact.

“I am?” Dean asks. 

“Yes,” Cas nods with a very stern face. 

“Why?”

“Do you expect me to masturbate by myself?” Cas says dramatically. “I’ve never done this before, this is my first time! I don’t know what I’m doing! And I need your help! You said you would help me!”

“How is  _ me _ masturbating going to help you?” Dean turns his head, hands gesturing into a ‘what’ motion.

“It will help me be less embarrassed! I’m really nervous, Dean. Please!”

“Okay…” Dean mumbles. He pulls the blanket on his bed up, covering his lap, and he takes his pants and underwear off. 

“Are you naked now?” Cas asks innocently. “The pornography is starting…” Cas looks at the TV. 

“Yes…” Dean grumbles. 

Dean looks at Cas who is watching the TV with the same intensity as the night before. 

“How does this start? Do I have to wait for arousal?” Cas asks. 

“Yes, but there are other ways to get hard,” Dean watches the TV now. “If the porn ain’t doing it for you yet, you can just start touching yourself to try to get hard…” 

“Alright.” Cas stays watching the video. “Maybe I’ll just wait to become erect naturally by the video.”

“Whatever you want to do Cas…” Dean nods in support. 

“What do you usually do? Do you start or do you watch the video?”

That’s actually kinda a personal question but for some reason, Dean doesn’t mind being upfront about it. “I start jacking off right away… But I start slowly until things get too interesting that I have to go faster…”

“What do you mean you ‘have to go faster?’” Cas asks. Dean glances at Cas again but he still has his eyes glued to the TV. 

“Well, when you get into the thick of it, you start to want more so you have to… Oblige.”

“Oh, that sounds like it can be stressful…”

“It’s the opposite, I promise.”

“How do you know when you want more?”

“It’s a feeling you’ll have… You’ll know it when it happens,” Dean encourages. 

“What if I never feel that feeling?” Cas asks. 

That makes Dean think. He doesn’t know for sure that Cas is into the physical stuff, but it seems like Cas also doesn’t know. It makes sense… How could he? He’s never… Done anything before… “I don’t know…” Dean admits. “I wouldn’t worry too much about it… Don’t pressure yourself or you  _ really _ aren’t gonna like this…” 

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Of what will happen if I don’t ever get that feeling? What does that mean?” 

“You don’t have to be scared…” Dean glances again. Cas is still fixated on the TV. “And I’m sure you will,” Dean isn't actually sure, he just wants Cas to think he is, “And if not, we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it…”

“That’s not the proper saying.”

“I know Cas,” Dean chuckles, “I was making a joke to help you ease up a little… Did it help?”

“A little bit…”

“Really?”

“No,” Cas laughs. Then Dean laughs. “What is the woman doing?” Cas asks. The scene is a pretty mellow one to start Cas off with. There is a guy who is laying naked on the bed when a woman walks in. She slowly, so very slowly starts stripping off all her layers, ignoring the guy. At the point that they are at, the woman starts playing with the guy’s dick. “Hey, Dean,” Cas says excitedly, “I’m erect now! That’s good!”

“That’s great Cas,” Dean smiles. Dean starts stroking his own dick, very slowly. 

“Now I can touch it…” 

“Yup…” Dean agrees. 

“Uhm,” Cas hesitates. “What should I do?”

“Er- Okay,” Dean gathers his thoughts. “Do you see what the chick is doing? That’s a hand job.”

“Oh, that is what she is doing…”

“Yeah… And when you do that for yourself, it’s masturbating… It’s jacking off…” Dean explains. “See how she’s doing it? Try to match that. It will get you to feel a lot of different things so you can start to figure out what you like. That’s why I picked this one… So you could see.”

“So just copy her?” Cas asks. 

“Yep,” Dean nods. 

“Okay,” Cas says excitedly. “I’m starting now,” Cas informs him. 

"Alright, Cas.” Dean giggles. 

They both watch the woman stroke up and down slowly. Usually, Dean does his own thing but right now he’s copying the woman too. It just feels right. 

The woman presses her thumb a bit roughly against the head of the man's dick and circles around. “This feels much better than what I showed you last night…”

“I’m glad,” Dean smiles. He gazes over at Cas again, just for a second. 

“This is rather enjoyable, I can see why this man likes it.”

“Yep,” Dean nods.

“He really likes it,” Cas says again. “Look at his face… He’s biting his lip…” Cas notices. “And he cannot hold still. I am learning a lot.”

“Yeah, and look at the come leaking out of his dick…” Dean adds.

“What? Is he ejaculating already?” Cas asks, confused. 

“No,” Dean giggles, “It’s precome. It comes out a little bit before you full-out orgasm.”

“Is it normal?” Cas asks. 

“I think so,” Dean nods. 

“Does it happen to you?” Cas asks curiously. 

“It…. does…” Dean replies. 

“It’s not happening to me!” Cas worries. “Is that bad?”

“No,” Dean shakes his head. “That’s not bad… Maybe it’s just not happening yet…”

Cas nods. “So then it  _ will _ happen?”

“Maybe… But it's okay if it doesn’t… as long as what you are doing feels good, it doesn’t matter…”

“What I’m doing feels good,” Cas confirms. That kinda excites Dean. 

“Then it doesn’t matter if you’ve got precome or not.”

“Yes…” Cas cheers, “So then I’m doing this successfully!” 

“Sure,” Dean giggles again. 

They go back to just watching. The woman is still going at it. She just started teasing the man by stroking lightly up and down his dick with just two fingers. The woman hums in delight at the way the man is shaking. It’s a low and drawn out groan.

Then Dean hears Cas groan low and drawn out, just like the girl in the video. Dean watches Cas for a second. 

“Oh, yeah…” the woman says deeply. 

“Oh, yeah…” Cas mimics. 

“Hah!” She whines, reaching down with her free hand to touch herself. 

“Hah!” Cas copies perfectly. 

“Mm!” Dean whines quietly to himself. A huge glob of precome came out when Cas whined just them. “Cas, you don’t have to,” Dean’s voice breaks. “You don’t have to make the sounds she's making…”

“You said to copy her,” Cas says. 

“Yeah, her hand,” Dean informs. 

“Oh,” Cas agrees. “I will not make any more noise.”

“Wait,” Dean says. “If you need to moan or something, it’s fine. You can make noises all you want,” Dean says hopefully. “I’m just saying you don’t have to,” Dean’s voice breaks again, “Don’t have to make them because she makes them.”

“So I…  _ should _ make noise.”

“If you want.”

“Okay,” Cas nods. 

They watch as the woman on the screen is finally done fingering herself. She stops jerking off the man and starts riding him instead. 

“Oh,” Cas says, “Dean, I can’t do this part. What do I do now?”

“Keep jacking off doing whatever you remember felt good to you,” Dean notes. “And just… watch and enjoy.”

“Alright,” Cas nods. “I liked when I was stroking and sort of squeezing closer to the base of my penis so I am going to do that.” 

“Okay,” Dean chuckles. 

They keep watching the video, Dean is extremely distracted. He just wants to watch Cas. And he kinda wants to see what’s going on under his blanket. Dean knows he’s hung, he just knows it. He could  _ ask _ Cas and Cas would probably unabashedly answer… But Dean is too scared so he doesn’t. 

“Now they are kissing,” Cas comments. “I think I quite enjoy- Dean!” Cas gasps. “I do have precome!”

“That’s great Cas,” Dean smiles. 

“There is more than I expected,” Cas comments. “And- Ohh…” Cas moans. 

Cas’s moan makes Dean’s hips jerk a little bit. 

“I touched the end of my penis like before and it felt better this time! Has my penis become more sensitive?”

Dean can’t help but to smile at Cas’s awkward questions. “Uhm, yeah… You get more sensitive the closer you get.”

“The closer I get to what? Orgasm?”

“Yes,” Dean nods. 

“Dean, am I going to orgasm?” Cas asks excitedly.

“Maybe…” Dean laughs. 

“I hope I do! That sounds very nice. What does it feel like?”

“It feels like-” Dean pauses. He doesn’t know how to describe it. “Like your whole body has been working up to something and waiting. And when it finally happens, you can feel it  _ everywhere. _ And it shocks through you. It feels awesome. And intense.” Dean groans low, “It’s so relaxing and you want to feel it again and again.” 

“Mmh!” Cas groans. “I want to feel that.”

“Yeah, you do…” Dean agrees.

“I think I want to go faster…” Cas says. 

“Do it,” Dean encourages. 

“But… Are you going to go faster?” Cas asks. 

“Uhm… Sure. If it will help you…”

“Yes! Alright! Let’s both go faster!” Cas cheers. 

“Okay,” Dean chuckles. 

Dean is liking this a lot. He knew he was going to like it. Of course he was going to like it. This is great. And Cas is groaning a lot and that  _ really _ helps get Dean along. 

“Dean,” Cas pants, “I don’t know what this feeling is for sure, but I think I may be about to ejaculate.”

Dean hears but doesn’t say anything. He can’t really talk. He has no idea how Cas is able to either. Dean thinks he is going to closely follow Cas with his own orgasm honestly- 

“Fuck,” Dean curses. He totally forgot to tell Cas he needs something to come into. Like a tissue or something. Fuck, it’s too late now. Station… Train… Gone… 

Cas groans loudly, longer than anyone yet. Dean thinks Cas finally just came. Dean comes right after. 

“Dean! I did it! Yes!” Cas exclaims. “That  _ did _ feel  _ outrageously _ good! I’m so happy! We did it!” 

Dean glances at Cas as he cheers, shamelessly. “ _ You _ did it,” Dean corrects. 

“But with your help!” Cas concludes, “Thank you, Dean! I think I’m starting to get it!”

“Good!” Dean is pretty happy for Cas. And himself if he’s being honest. “One thing though,” Dean chuckles. “I forgot to mention.”

“What is it?” Cas tilts his head and looks at Dean. It's quiet for a small second and the guy on the TV moans. It’s kinda funny. 

“When you come, in order to stay as clean as possible, try to come…  _ into _ something. Like a tissue, or a napkin, or a cloth… Ya’ know… Something…” 

“Oh,” Cas nods. Dean watches as Cas looks down in his lap and his eyes start to glow bright blue like it does when he is using his grace. Then Cas starts shuffling around a lot. Dean watches confused until Cas stands up, fully clothed again. His shirt is even tucked in again. The only thing he’s missing is his shoes. “Now look!” Cas smiles, flipping the blanket around. “I cleaned it up!” Cas sets the blanket over the chair and walks towards Dean on his bed. “Would you like me to do the same for you?” 

Dean, again, out of shock, pulls the blanket up higher. 

“Don’t worry, Dean. I am not going to touch you. And I also am not going to look if that is what you are afraid of. I can clean you up from over the blanket.” Cas hovers his hand a few inches over the blanket and his eyes glow again. Cas walks back to the chair and starts putting his shoes back on. 

Dean lifts up the blanket and looks. It’s gone. He’s jizz free. “That’s nifty,” Dean smiles, “Where have you been all my life?” Dean asks jokingly. Then he’s overcome with dread. Why did he say that? That was so dumb. Did he just confess the  _ very real _ feelings he holds for Cas?

Cas laughs. 

So Cas  _ did _ know he was joking. And he  _ didn’t _ just confess his love. Turns out, he is just dramatic. 

“When can we do this again?” Cas asks. 

“Uhm, I don’t know…” Dean thinks.

_ “Will _ we be doing this again?” Cas asks, sounding a bit worried. 

“Yeah!” Dean says a bit too quickly. He starts pulling his underwear back on. “If you want to!”

“Alright,” Cas sits up properly. “Tomorrow then? And we can watch a new pornographic video!” Cas cheers. “Although,” Cas looks back to the TV, “It seems we didn’t finish this one…”

“We saw the good parts, it’s cool,” Dean smiles. “This one isn’t the best one anyway. And yeah… Tomorrow… sounds… Good!”

“Alright.” Cas smiles. “I am going to turn this off now, yes?” Cas asks, walking to the TV. 

“By all means,” Dean finally gets his pants back on and is now buttoning them. It’s hard to do under a blanket, he doesn't understand how Cas was so good at it.

“Uhm, when you are choosing the next pornographic video…” Cas pauses, putting the DVD back in its case. “I liked when the woman was manually stimulating the man, and I thoroughly enjoyed it when they were kissing.”

“Awe, Cas, ya big sap!” Dean smiles. 

“Yes, I was most aroused by the kissing.”

“Noted.”

“Okay,” Cas smiles. Some more time goes by where it’s just silent. Dean finally gets up and starts putting the case away where it goes. Cas watches him and smiles brightly at him the whole time, just like he did all morning. “I am very glad we did this,” Cas closes his eyes and sways a bit. “I love our relationship, we are so close!” Cas hums, “You are a fantastic friend.”

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean half-smiles at him. 

“I’m going to go finish reading my book,” Cas nods. “Until Sam and Jack get back with the groceries. If you need me, I’ll be in the library.”

“Okay,” Dean nods. 

“Okay,” Cas smiles and walks out. 

Deans got so many feelings fluttering around his chest right now it’s insane. Dean grabs a pillow and presses it into his chest and flops backward onto the bed. He lets out a  _ huge  _ sigh. 

That was more fun than he could have imagined. He didn’t know Cas was going to be so vocal about everything but that was cool. And he didn’t expect himself to be able to talk about sex that good, but it’s a nice surprise. 

And him and Cas are going to do it  _ again! _ Maybe this can just be a normal part of their friendship. Cas seems to think it is. Friends who watch porn and masturbate, that’s fine! It’s just a friendship quark. And Dean isn’t going to mess it up with his dumb feelings for Cas, it’s virtually impossible. This is a solid idea. This is fine!

“Mm!” Dean hums and wiggles on the bed. This is great. 

He likes knowing that Cas actually  _ does _ feel good…  _ like that. _ He did everything. He even moaned! Ugh, his moans. Why did Dean stop him? He should’ve just let Cas mimic these pornstar moans, he did it so well. But, Dean actually enjoyed his genuine moans better. Just the thought of knowing they happened naturally makes them better. 

And now Dean’s gotta figure out what Cas likes to watch. This is the start of Dean’s obsession with figuring out what turns Cas on. There’s gotta be something. Cas said he liked the kissing? Dean can work with that. 

Mmm… This is great. Dean feels much less pent up now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas may be a bit of an oversharer but Dean likes it! :)
> 
> Comment what you think! Thank you!


	4. Dean... sees it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He totally sees it.

“You’ve been in a pretty good mood lately,” Sam elbows Dean. 

“I have?”

“Well, haven’t you?” Sam tilts his head. “Yesterday when I got back you seemed pretty happy… And all this morning… And this afternoon…” 

“I didn’t think anyone could notice.”

“So… Did something happen?” Sam asks.

Dean glances over at Cas who is sitting across the room. “No.”

“So you’re just… feeling good then…”

“Dude, why are you so invested in this?”

Sam rolls his eyes, “I don’t know, it’s just good seeing you like this I guess… Are you looking forward to something?”

“Stop prying,” Dean grumbles.

“I’m not prying!” 

“You are,” Dean walks into the kitchen and Sam follows. 

“Alright, fine, I am. Sorry.” Sam sits at the table in the kitchen. “But it’s weird that you won’t tell me.”

“There’s nothing to tell!” Dean exclaims. 

“Alright… I’ll leave you alone… For now.”

“For _ ever,” _ Dean argues. “We’re done. No more talking about feelings, don’t bring up my mood, we’re done.”

“Okay,” Sam nods. 

“Are you just saying okay so I will make you dinner too?” Dean rolls his eyes and starts getting food together.

“Yep.” Sam leans back in his chair and opens up his laptop. 

Later Jack walks into the kitchen and asks Dean to  _ also _ make him food, but Dean is already on it. 

Dean doesn’t mind. Like Sam mentioned, he’s in a good mood. He’s been feeling good all day, looking forward because he knows at some point today him and Cas are gonna masturbate. 

They haven't talked about it since yesterday, but Cas has been smiling at Dean just like he did before. Dean always smiles back. It happens every time they look at each other. If they don’t cut it out soon, Dean knows they’re gonna get caught. 

Probably by Sam. Freakin’ Sam. He’s very perceptive. And he’s a little intrusive. And he never knocks. Dean’s gotta be sure to lock his door. 

Eventually, Cas wanders into the kitchen with the rest of them, just as Dean is passing out plates of food. Cas obviously doesn’t eat, but he sits in there with them. Still, Cas is all smiley. 

After dinner, since they had it pretty late, everyone starts going off to bed. Dean does also. As he gets up, he leans into Cas and whispers, “Come with me,” And starts walking to his room. Cas seems to know exactly what Dean is talking about. Dean thinks Cas probably would’ve followed him to his room anyway, even if Dean had not asked. Cas picks his book off the table and walks a few steps behind Dean. 

Once they get in there, Cas freezes. “Wait, Dean,” Dean looks over to him, “I think it would be better if we waited a bit to make sure everyone is asleep before we start.”

Dean nods, a little disappointed, but he can wait a little bit longer. “Well, how long will that be, you think?”

“Sam goes to sleep sooner than you do, I know that… And Jack often goes to sleep twenty to thirty minutes after he goes to bed.”

“What the hell? Why do you know that?”

“The only question I still have is how long it will be before Sam goes to sleep. It depends on what time he woke up today. He was up pretty early this morning to go running,” Dean watches Cas, confused as to why he knows so much. “I feel like a safe estimate would be about thirty minutes from now.”

“Okay, we’ll wait thirty minutes,” Dean nods.

“Okay,” Cas turns to the door, “I’ll read in the library and then come back in thirty minutes…” Cas reaches for the doorknob. 

“Or!” Dean interjects, “You could just… stay? You can read in here…”

“Are you sure?” Cas turns back.

“Yeah,” Dean nods, “It’s no big deal…”

“I thought you liked privacy at this time…” Cas tilts his head, “You once told me that.”

“Yeah, but…” Dean doesn’t know what to say now, “It’s cool if you wanna just hang out in here… For now…”

“Alright,” Cas nods, walking back over to Dean’s desk and pulling out the chair to sit on. Dean smiles, glad Cas agreed to stay with him. 

Cas opens his book and immediately starts reading. Dean sits down on his bed, not really sure what to do now. 

About only a minute goes by before Cas closes the book. Well, he almost closes it, his finger is still holding the page. He looks over at Dean, “Uhm, Dean?” Cas asks, “What do you usually do… At this time?” Cas gazes at Dean, awaiting an answer. 

“Uhm,” Dean thinks, “I usually just… Lay down and… Think.”

“Think?”

“Yeah…” Dean nods. 

Cas sets his book on the desk and stands up. “I am  _ always _ thinking…” Cas says, walking over to the other side of the bed. 

“Yeah,” Dean laughs, “Me too.”

“I usually don’t lay down to think, but I could try it…” Cas says, laying on the bed next to Dean.

Dean is startled. Cas did it so casually. Cas is laying in his bed. Cas is laying in  _ his _ bed!

“Aren’t you going to lay down?” Cas asks, folding his hands together and resting them on his stomach. 

“Uhm,” Dean moves quickly. “Yeah,” He clears his throat. 

“What do you think about?” Cas asks. 

Well, Cas mostly. He thinks about Cas. But, he’s not gonna say that for obvious reasons. “Stuff I like…” Cas nods at his acceptable answer. “What do you think about?”

“A shorter list would be what I  _ do not _ think about,” Cas giggles, and Dean giggles too.

“Yeah,” Dean nods, “I get that.”

“Sometimes I think about heaven… And monsters… And stars…” Cas starts listing. “I think about Jack pretty frequently. And Sam.” Cas smiles. “I think about you as well. A great deal, actually.”

“Really?” Dean asks.

“Yes. I’ve made so many friends in the past decade… I like remembering my time with you, it makes me quite happy.”

“I…” Dean swallows. “I think about you too.”

“Good.”

Dean snorts a laugh, “‘Good?’ What do you mean ‘good?’”

“Well, I would be concerned if you did not! Friends are supposed to care about each other!”

“I care about you!” Dean half laughs.

“I know!” Cas giggles back, “I care about you too! That’s why we are friends!” Cas says, turning his head toward Dean. 

“Yeah,” Dean sighs, “We’re friends.”

“Yes,” Cas looks back up, “I was thinking about that… We are friends… So that makes it okay that we masturbate together… Officially.”

“Uhm,” Dean nods, “I think it’s okay.”

“Alright,” Cas smiles. “Just checking.”

“Yeah,” Dean turns his head to Cas. They are quiet now. Dean just gazes at Cas, watching him look so peaceful… Staring up at the ceiling… Thinking. Dean wonders what he’s thinking about  _ right now. _ Cas smiles to himself then turns his head towards Dean again. 

They make eye contact and smile again before Dean looks away, back up at the ceiling, blushing slightly. 

Dean wants to just… Reach out and touch Cas. Just hold him. Put his arms around him and hold him. Their bodies could be together and their legs could get all tangled… Dean could nuzzle into Cas's chest then start kissing up his neck… And Cas would make one of those pornstar moans like he did the day before. And they could just… Be together. 

But that won’t happen. Dean knows that. 

He should just be grateful that he has what he has. 

The thirty minutes go by fast. Dean thought it would be slow because of his anticipation, but it didn’t. He guesses it went by fast because he really enjoyed laying there with Cas. It’s really peaceful and nice. It was quiet a lot but they talked occasionally. Maybe that could be something else they do as friends. Dean could ask. 

Hey Cas, maybe you can lay in my bed with me at night? Casually? As buds? And we can just talk about our day… And- Whoops, that sounds really relationship-y. Dean better not. 

“I can hear Sam snoring,” Cas says. “I think we can start now.” 

Dean gets up then kneels on the floor, “You can hear him? I can’t.” Dean starts shuffling through the box. 

“Yes.” Cas nods. “I’m a celestial being, of course I can hear him.”

“So that’s how you know when we all go to sleep?” Dean asks. 

“Well, yes. But not you. You don’t snore. Only very occasionally. At night, you toss around and whimper.”

“I  _ whimper?” _ Dean asks, disbelievingly. 

“Yes. You don’t sleep very soundly at all.” 

“Great,” Dean says sarcastically and nods.

“I haven't heard it these past two nights though, so maybe you’re getting better! You  _ have _ been in a good mood lately… That might have something to do with it.”

Dean stands up with a VHS, “Well that's good… I guess.”

“Yes. Do you know what is causing it?” 

Does Cas seriously not know  _ he’s _ the reason Dean has been so happy lately? 

“No… I guess I’m just on a high right now or something…”

“A high?”

“Yeah,” Dean pushes the VHS in, “Like I’m feeling good… No reason.”

“Oh! Good!” Cas sits up on the bed then stands up.

“Oh, Cas…” Dean tosses him the blanket. “Just stay on the bed, you don’t have to sit in the chair…”

“Are you sure?” Cas sits back down. 

“Yeah, that chair is  _ super _ uncomfortable, just chill on the bed…”

“Alright. And you will sit next to me.” Cas instructs. Cas pulls the blanket over his lap and starts stripping again. 

“Okay,” Dean giggles. He doesn’t know why it’s so important to Cas that he masturbates also, but Dean obviously isn't gonna say no. Dean climbs in bed next to Cas and pulls the blanket off himself. He starts stripping also. 

Soon, him and Cas are sitting against the headboard, separate blankets covering their naked bottom halves, and they are looking at the TV. 

“Which is this one?” Cas asks as the opening credits go by. 

“This one is two girls… I know there's no one for you to copy now, but I thought maybe you could try some stuff on your own? You know a little bit now… And we also have to try all kinds of porn to see what you like…”

“That makes sense,” Cas nods. Dean smiles and nods, watching the TV. The camera pans to two women who are already naked and on the bed. They are just running their hands up and down each other's bodies. “These women are beautiful,” Cas comments.

Dean doesn’t know how to react to that. Maybe Cas likes chicks… If he even  _ likes _ anybody. Maybe he’s not into dudes. Not that it matters. Or maybe, Cas is just commenting on it because he notices. Everyone knows what  _ classically _ beautiful is… 

“Yeah,” Dean nods, “They’re hot.”

The camera shot changes and there is a close-up of both the women's chests and it pans up, showing the kissing. “Oh,” Cas smiles. 

“Right?” Dean agrees.

“I am enjoying the sounds they are making…” Dean sees Cas’s hand finally slip down under his blanket out of the corner of his eye. 

“Yeah, they’re really good at this…”

“Kissing looks so enjoyable,” Cas comments.

“Yeah, it is…” Dean confirms. 

“Wow…” Cas says in awe. 

The kissing becomes more intense and the noises Cas was talking about do as well. The slurping and the out of breath panting… All of it. One girl pulls away and there is a defined strand of slobber that is still connecting their lips. The woman that pulled away pushes the other down until she is laying back then promptly starts going down on her. 

“Woah,” Cas says.

“What?” Dean asks.

“She looks like she is enjoying this a lot. She is more out of control than the man yesterday.” 

“Yeah, well, everyone loves oral…”

“Yes, oral stimulation… I had no idea it could make a person react this way…” Cas nods. “She’s practically thrashing.”

“Yeah, it’s good stuff…”

“Is this a common reaction to oral stimulation?” Cas asks. 

“Uhm…” Dean chuckles, “It depends on how sensitive the person is… And how good the person is at giving it.”

“Yes, I see…” Cas nods. 

They keep watching. Dean is jacking off, slowly. If he pays too much attention to his dick then he can’t pay attention to Cas. And he wants to pay attention to Cas. So sacrifices have to be made. 

“She is pinching the other woman's nipples, does the woman like that?” Cas asks.

“I think so…” Dean nods. 

Cas slips his hand under his shirt and Dean thinks it’s to feel at his own nipples. He doesn’t look directly at Cas so he doesn’t know.

“It doesn’t feel bad,” Cas pulls his hand out. “I wish I liked it more but sadly I don’t…” 

“It’s okay,” Dean consoles, “You aren’t going to like everything and that is fine…”

“Do  _ you _ enjoy stimulation to your nipples, Dean?” Cas asks.

“Er-” Dean chuckles, “Yeah… But mine are sensitive so… That’s why.”

“What is that?” Cas asks. 

The woman in the video has just let off her partner and is now lubing up a rather large dildo. “It’s a sex toy,” Dean says after clearing his throat.

Cas nods and watches more intently at the TV. “Oh!” Cas says, watching the woman slide it smoothly into her partner, “I see, it’s an alternative to a penis…”

“Yeah,” Dean snorts, “Yeah it is…”

“That looks interesting,” Cas says. “Is it used for masturbation or only with a partner?”

“B-both,” Dean blushes. “You can definitely use one by yourself.”

“Ugh,” Cas groans smally, “I wonder what that feels like for her…” Cas watches the woman thrust it in and out.

“Really good…” Dean pauses. “I imagine.”

“I think she would like a bigger one,” Cas says randomly. 

“Why do you think that?”

“Look,” Cas says, “She’s clenching around it… There is more room to be filled… And lastly, she’s trying to add her own fingers in as well. She wants a bigger one.” 

“I thought she was rubbing her clit…” Dean looks.

“She is, but inadvertently…” Cas swallows.

“Hey, uh, Cas?” Dean asks. 

He’s gonna do it. He’s gonna ask. He’s gonna ask him. 

“Yes?” Cas groans.

“How big is your dick?” Dean says quickly.

“Uhh,” Cas thinks. Next thing that happens is Cas jerks the blanket on his lap out of the way for Dean to see. “Look,” He says.

Dean looks unexpectedly then jerks his head back towards the TV. “Holy shit.”

“I don’t know how many inches, I’ve never measured.” Cas pulls the blanket back over himself, “How big is yours?”

Dean is still in shock. He awkward laughs, “Not that fucking big, that’s for sure.”

“Hmm,” Cas nods. “What size do you think?”

Holy fucking hell, Dean was right. He’s hung. 

“Ugh, I don’t know, average? Maybe less than that?” Dean is stunned. Cas has three inches on him at  _ least. _

Dean was fucking  _ right! _ Cas got dick! Cas got  _ mad _ dick, holy hell. 

Dean starts jacking off with a bit more heart now. “Are you speeding up?” Cas asks. 

“Yeah, I think I’m pretty close,” Dean rolls his eyes. He is a little embarrassed that it seems like he is gonna come before Cas but it is what it is. 

“I’m not close yet, is that bad?” Cas asks. 

“No,” Dean groans, “It’s fine… People are different.”

“But yesterday I came before you did…”

“It’s okay Cas… Nothing to worry about…” Dean moans at the end. 

“Okay,” Cas continues on like normal. 

Dean closes his eyes and bites his lip. Ugh, he can’t believe he saw Cas’s dick. Why did he look away so fast? He coulda stared at it and Cas probably would’ve been cool with it. He shoulda looked longer, mm! “Gah,” Dean lets out. He’s close now. Really close. “Damnit,” Dean grunts. A few seconds after that, Dean comes. He tries to keep his mouth shut to stop the embarrassing moan he felt bubbling up but all that did was muffle it. 

A few seconds later, Cas groans deeply, watching the TV just as intensely as always. “Was that pleasant for you?” Cas asks out of nowhere.

Dean swallows, closing his eyes again, “Yeah…” He mumbles. 

“I think I’m starting to figure this out a little more,” Cas nods. 

“That’s good,” Dean smiles, still talking softly. 

Cas continues on for a couple minutes. Dean is slightly impressed at his stamina today. They don’t talk or anything, but Cas moans softly and frequently. Dean keeps his eyes closed, just listening to Cas. He really likes it.

“I think I’m going to ejaculate,” Cas says. And less than a minute later he does. “Mm! This is so much fun, Dean! I had no idea but now I understand why you do this all the time!” 

Dean opens his eyes. “I don’t do this  _ all the time…”  _

“Well, of course, that would be ridiculous… I mean frequently…” Cas nods. Dean sees Cas’s eyes glowing and then watches his hand glide over to Dean’s blanket. “Okay, no mess. I know how you worry about that.”

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean smiles.

Cas starts pulling his clothes back on so Dean follows. Cas stands up, fully clothed again, and walks over to the TV. “I was able to watch to the end of this one…” Cas hums, putting the VHS back into its box. 

“Yeah…” Dean smiles. “I wasn’t,” He chuckles.

“Yes, I know…” Cas’s eyebrows raise for a moment. “You do love women!” Cas laughs. 

Dean swallows. “Yeah… I do…” 

Dean loves  _ Cas… _ Sure, women are great… Dudes are great… But Cas… Cas is awesome.

Cas walks back, passing Dean the tape. “Alright, what I liked about this one was, obviously the kissing. That was arousing to me. And then also I liked it when they started using the object… The…  _ Sex toy.”  _ Cas remembers. 

“I will keep that in mind,” Dean nods. 

“Alright!” Cas nods. “We are doing this again tomorrow.” 

It doesn’t sound like a question, but Dean answers “Sure.” With a nod of his head. 

“Okay,” Cas smiles. “Would you like me to turn off all your lights?” Cas asks.

“Yes please,” Dean sets the tape on his bedside table.

“Are you tired?” Cas asks, knowing that he is.

“Yeah,” Dean sinks lower in his bed. 

Cas gets all the lights off then walks over to the door. He smiles, “I hope your dreams are pleasant, Dean…” And he walks out. 

Dean is actually very tired. Which is good. He’s gonna sleep so good, he knows it.

Dean lays down completely, deciding that he wants the pillow between his legs tonight, and turning on his side. He can’t stop smiling. Cas and him are masturbating buddies. Sure, Dean wishes things were a little different, but he still really likes it. Cas masturbated on his  _ bed... With him! _ It’s fantastic! And Dean totally saw Cas’s dick. Cas showed him his dick. Mm! He’s got such a great dick. Maybe Dean will get to see it again and he can have a better look at it. He was just so shocked, he had to look away. 

Dean bites his lip and tucks an arm under his pillow. And Cas and him… Before they started… They just laid on his bed and talked. And Cas thinks about Dean. 

Dean knows that Cas thinks about him because they are friends because Cas said so, but it still makes Dean pretty happy. Dean squeaks with excitement.

Then he gets confused that he just squeaked. 

Whatever. 

Dean sighs deeply and closes his eyes. 

He imagines him and Cas are actually together. Just as a fantasy, obviously. And all those sounds Dean heard Cas making are because of him… And Cas loves Dean. Just as much as Dean loves Cas. It’s a nice fantasy.

Dean ignores the fact that it will never ever happen and he just enjoys the thought until he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of this pining... Ugh. 
> 
> Comment what y'all think! It seriously makes my friggin day. I'm not afraid of spam. Hit me with all your thoughts. Or don't! That's fine! Thank y'all!


	5. Cas Stops Using The Blanket

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter Sam again :)  
> Love him!

“I know why you are so happy.” Sam corners Dean. 

Dean immediately freaks out. He really hopes Sam doesn’t know. “You do?” Dean raises an eyebrow. 

“Yep,” Sam smirks. “You’re dating someone.”

Dean sighs and rolls his eyes, relieved that Sam doesn’t know. “I’m not dating anyone, Sam.”

“ _ Publicly,” _ Sam corrects. “You are dating someone in secret… Who is it, and when do I get to meet her?” 

Dean makes a face at Sam. “I’m not dating anybody! There’s no one to meet!”

“Oh, you’re embarrassed that you’re in a relationship aren’t you?” Sam smirks. Dean glares. “It’s okay to have feelings for someone. More than one-night-stand feelings…” Sam says supportively. 

“No… That’s not it. I’m telling you the truth, there is no one in my life right now.”

“I don’t believe you.” Sam shakes his head.

“Why?” Dean throws his hands up.

“Because this is how you get when you’re with someone! This is exactly it!”

“Okay, fine, let’s pretend that I am seeing someone.”

“You are.”

“No, I said pretend,” Dean grumbles. “When was the last time you’ve seen me leave the bunker?”

Sam thinks for a second. “I don’t know… I don’t keep tabs on you…”

Dean stares at him straight-faced for a moment. “Bull…  _ Shit. _ It’s what you’re doing right now.”

“Okay, well…. You’re leaving secretly… That’s why it's a  _ secret _ girlfriend.”

“I don’t have a secret girlfriend, Sam.” Dean rolls his eyes. 

“Deny all you want, bro. I know you’re dating someone.” 

Dean isn’t dating anyone. That’s the truth. He  _ wishes _ he were dating  _ Cas, _ but he’s not.

“Okay… Where would I even meet this girl then?” Dean challenges. 

“Good point,” Sam admits. “It would be a little hard, but you get around…”

“Okay,” Dean shakes his head, “Goodbye Sammy, stop being so fucking weird and leave this alone.”

“Okay,” Sam nods, “Whenever you’re ready to tell me about her, I’m ready to listen.”

Dean walks away, “You’re a fucking weirdo, Sammy!” Dean shouts and flips him off as he leaves the room. 

Sam is ridiculous. Why does he even care? It’s really not any of his business either way. Dean walks into the map room and sees Jack. 

“Hey Jack, whatcha doing?” Dean asks. 

Jack looks up at Dean, away from his book. He doesn’t answer right away. “Are you looking for Castiel?” 

Dean chuckles, “Yeah, but I was trying to be nice…”

“Yes,” Jack nods, “Castiel did the exact same thing to me just a minute ago.”

“Ohh,” Dean nods. 

“I sent him towards the kitchen to find you.” Jack smiles. “Are you two doing anything specific?”

“No,” Dean says quickly, sitting down by Jack. 

“Why are you sitting? Castiel is in the kitchen.”

“Sam is in the kitchen still, Cas will ask Sam, and Sam will send him here.” 

“Oh, that makes sense,” Jack nods. “I don’t mean to be rude because I know you just sat down so don’t think I’m leaving because of you…”

“Okay… You’re leaving?” Dean asks. 

“Yes, I’m going to bed, I’m tired today.”

“Oh,” Dean nods and hides a smile. “Well, sleep well kid!”   
“Hello, Castiel,” Jack says as he walks past Cas. Cas says hi back then walks over to Dean. 

“Dean!” Cas sits next to him quickly. “I was just talking to Sam… He’s going to bed.”

“Well, so is Jack,” Dean adds. 

“Yes! Perfect!” Cas smiles. “Let’s go right now!” 

Dean smiles at him. “Okay.” They both stand up. Dean walks slower deliberately. 

“Quickly,” Cas grabs Dean’s hand and pulls him along. Dean grins. 

Once they walk in, Dean locks the door behind them “Why quickly? Don’t we have to wait until they are asleep?” 

“Yes… We do.” 

“So why quickly?”

“I don’t know… It feels right.” Cas smiles.

Dean looks away, “Can’t argue with that logic…” It's quiet for a moment and Dean can feel Cas just staring at him and smiling. “So…” Dean buffs, “What do you wanna do while we wait?” Dean pauses, “We could… Watch TV or listen to music or-”   
“Lay down?” Cas asks.

“You wanna just lay down again?” Dean smiles. 

“Lay down and think… Right? That is what you said before?” 

“Yeah,” Dean nods, “We can do that….”

“Good. I enjoy it very much. It’s… Serene.” Cas lays down, just like he did yesterday. Dean stands, frozen, staring at Cas. Cas closed his eyes. Just like yesterday. His hands folded and resting on his stomach. His stupid coat and jacket flaps fall open and Dean can see Cas’s waist. He’s so beautiful. Dean just wants to look. Look at Cas who is lying peacefully in his bed. “It doesn’t work if you are not in the bed as well,” Cas says with a giggle, not opening his eyes. 

“Oh,” Dean snaps back. “I’m coming…”

“So soon?” Cas laughs. 

Dean is shocked. “Did you just make a sex joke?”

“Yes,” Cas laughs some more, “Did you enjoy it?”

Dean giggles, “Yeah, I did.” Dean lays down on the bed. 

Cas lays on the same side he did last time. 

“Why don’t you use the pillow?” Dean asks. 

“It’s  _ your _ pillow.” Cas opens his eyes and turns his head towards Dean. 

“You can use it… I don’t care.” Dean turns to him.

“You really don’t?” Cas asks. 

“Why would I care about that?” Dean chuckles.

“Well,” Cas shifts up, “If you don’t mind, then I think I will use it.” 

Dean sees Cas move around a bit more, “Be my guest…” Dean smiles. 

“I like this quite a bit better,” Cas comments once he’s finally resting on it. 

“I  _ love _ pillows…” Dean looks back to the ceiling. “Wish I had more of them.” 

“Jack is asleep.” Cas says. 

“Seriously? That fast?”

“Yes, but Sam is still awake.”

Damnit, Sam. Go to sleep! “That’s okay, we can wait.”

“I almost  _ can’t _ wait.”

“Really?” Dean asks curiously. 

“Yes. I think about it constantly. This is very fun and it feels very good. And I  _ definitely _ need someone's assistance for this because I was unable to figure it out on my own… So thank you.”

“No… Problem…” Dean says, trying to process what he just said.

It’s quiet again so Dean has time to think it through. 

Did Cas say ‘someone’s assistance?’ Did it matter to Cas who’s assistance it was? Maybe He didn’t even want Dean to help him, maybe he just wanted  _ someone. _ That sucks. Was Dean just the guy with the porn? So that’s how this started? 

Of course Dean isn’t special. Cas is a multi-dimensional, celestial being and Dean is just… Dean. The guy with the porn.

“I was talking earlier… With Sam,” Cas starts out of nowhere. 

Dean zones back in. “Yeah?”

“Yes. He seems to think you have a girlfriend. I told him I didn’t think that was the case. Do you have a girlfriend Dean?” 

“What? Cas, don’t listen to Sam… He’s- I don’t know. He’s weird.”

“So you do not then…” Cas asks.

“No!”

“Alright. That’s what I thought,” Cas giggles, “It’s just that Sam was trying to figure out why you have been in such a good mood these past couple of days and he asked me if I knew anything?”

“Why does he care so much? What the fuck? He needs a life.” Dean shakes his head. “So what did you tell him?”

“Well, first I tried to think of a reason. It would have to be a new reason so I thought maybe our masturbating sessions were the reason but that didn’t make sense to me.”

Okay, Dean is glad Cas doesn’t know, but how and why didn’t that make sense to Cas?

“So I told him that you were ‘just on a high.’ Just like you told me!” Cas shrugs. 

“Wait, Cas,” Dean realizes what Cas said previously, “Just to be clear… Under no circumstances do we tell Sam about this. Or  _ anyone _ about this.”

“Of course, I understand.”

“Okay,” Dean sighs. “Especially not Sam, that would be very bad.”

“Bad because…” Cas pauses, “Oh, Because it’s embarrassing to you. Don’t worry Dean, I don’t want you to feel embarrassed. I won’t tell anyone.”

That’s not why Dean wanted this to stay a secret, but he rolls with it. “Right,” Dean agrees.

They are quiet again. This time for longer. After a while, Cas takes a deep breath and lets out a hum. It makes Dean smile. “I enjoy the way your room smells,” Cas says. 

“Really?” Dean chuckles. 

“Yes.” 

Silence. 

Then, Cas jerks, sitting up. “Sam is asleep!”

“Alrighty! Let’s get this show on the road then,” Dean slides off the bed and kneels on the floor. 

Cas stands up and starts looking for his privacy blanket. “What will we be watching?” Cas asks. 

“Two options,” Dean says. “I’ve thought a bit about this. It depends on one thing.”

“Alright…” 

“Okay. Are we in agreement that you need to watch all kinds of porn in order to see what you like?”

“Yes,” Cas agrees, “That is the most logical way, I think.”

“Alright,” Dean stands up, “Then it’s this one,” Dean holds up a DVD case and works his way over to the TV. 

Cas starts taking off his shoes before he climbs back onto Dean’s bed. 

“Wait!” Dean says. “Uh… Before you do… All that… I wanted to ask you about your coats and whatever…”

“What about them?” Cas tilts his head.    
“Do you wanna… Like… Take them off for this part?”

“I suppose I could do that,” Cas nods, taking off his coat and jacket. 

“Cool,” Dean nods. Dean gets the video going and they both get situated, leaning against the headboard, blankets on, dicks out. Kinda.

Dean sinks lower on the bed. He moves his legs out, knees bent and up like a sit-up position, but his upper half is still propped up a bit. 

“Why are you sitting lower like that?” Cas asks. 

“Uhh…” Dean thinks, “It’s just a… Different position. No big deal.”

“I will try that as well,” Cas adjusts. “Hmm…” Cas nods. 

The credits are finally over and there's a shot of a door. Then the door flings open and two men, who are making out vigorously, walk in urgently and start stripping each other of clothes immediately. 

“This kissing is better than yesterday,” Cas comments. “I am already erect. Should I start now?” Cas asks. 

“I am,” Dean says, stroking his cock.

“Alright.” Cas looks back at the TV and starts. 

The men find a bed rather quickly. One man pushes the other into the bed roughly. They are both making a lot of noise. Huffing, panting, grunting, whining. Cas seems pretty into it as far as Dean can tell. The man who Dean decides is the top in this situation clicks open the cap on a bottle of lube. There is a great shot of the top smearing it over the other dude’s hole. Quickly, he sinks two fingers into the guy's ass. The guy tries to moan but is cut short when the two men start kissing again. 

Dean, under the blanket, tries to very quietly take the cap off of his own lube. He side-eyes Cas for a moment. Cas doesn’t seem to notice. And if he noticed, he doesn't care. Dean bites his lip and slowly slides two lubed up fingers into his own hole with a small whimper. He starts working them in while still jacking off, and, making as little noise as possible. 

He knows it makes this squishing, wet sound when he’s alone and it’s quiet. But there’s porn playing so Dean has that going for him. He hopes. 

“What is that sound?”

“What sound?” Dean asks. He’s busted. Cas totally hears. 

“A sound that you are making due to your masturbating. It sounds different, not like it usually does and not like mine.”

“Uhm,” Dean might as well just say it, “I’m uh… I’m fingering myself.” Dean blushes real hot. 

“I don’t know what that is,” Cas pauses, “Is it what this man is doing to the other?”

“Yes,” Dean gulps. 

“It does look like he is enjoying it. Their kissing is so intense that I was unable to tell why he was moaning.”

“Probably both reasons…” Dean grunts.

“He added a third finger,” Cas comments. “Okay, the man is, in fact, enjoying himself.”

“Yeah…” Dean hums. 

“May I try?” Cas asks. 

“Of course.” 

“I don’t know how to start…” Cas says. 

Dean passes Cas his bottle of lube. “This is lube. Use as much of it as you want, it feels really good…” Cas takes it. “Just copy the guy.”

“How did he start?” Cas swallows. 

“Here,” Dean reaches over himself to the table by his bed with his dry hand and picks up the remote. He rewinds the video a bit. “Watch again…” 

The man in the video smears lube around his partner's hole. Dean is glad to see it again, actually. Dean adds a third finger. 

“It is cold,” Cas notices. “But very smooth.”

The guy in the video sinks two fingers into him. 

“Oh,” Cas says unexpectedly. “This is  _ very _ new.”

“Right?” Dean smiles. 

“Dean, I don’t know what to do now. His fingers are hidden, I can’t see what to do…” Cas panics. 

“It’s alright…” Dean says calmly. “Start moving your fingers a bit.”

“How?” 

Try different things until you find something you like,” Dean advises, “Try pushing the pads of your fingers all around the walls.”

“Mmm,” Cas hums. “I’m doing that, now. Is this what you do?” Cas asks.

“I do all sorts of stuff.”

“I want to do that too,” Cas groans faintly, “So, I am supposed to experiment with different movements?” Cas checks.

“Yep,” Dean moans. 

“Very well,” Cas nods. 

The video goes on. Dean is much more into this video compared to the one they saw the night before. And by the looks of it, Cas is too. Of course he is, they have been kissing practically the whole time. The two men suddenly stop when the top pulls his fingers out. He  _ had _ been fingering his partner a lot, Dean will admit. He pulls out the lube again and strokes his dick with it. Dean and Cas both watch, infatuated as it seems to grow and harden a bit more as he does this. 

“Wow,” Cas admires. “This man is arousing,” Cas says plainly. 

Dean doesn’t say anything but damn, he agrees. 

The man slides his dick, smoothly into the other’s hole. They both let out groans. The guy starts out slow but speeds up quickly. They’re fucking finally… Dean was anticipating them fucking since the start of the episode. This is such a good video, they both fuck so well it seems like. And Dean, well, He really likes missionary position, so that's a potential reason this one is so appealing to him. 

Cas moans loudly and suddenly. “Oh, Dean,” Cas pants, “Dean, that felt different.”

“Good different?” Dean asks. 

“Yes, very good,” Cas pauses. “I’m going to try to see if I can do it again.”

Dean doesn't know what Cas is doing. It could be anything. 

“Ooo,” Cas groans. “Mmm, I like this… This is good.” 

“Good,” Dean pants. “I’m happy for you, really…”

“Can I show you?” Cas asks. 

Dean swallows. “What?” He says confused. 

“I would like to show you. This feels very good, I want you to know how to do it too. If that’s alright.”

“Uhh,” Dean gulps, “Okay…” He says softly. 

“On you?’ Cas asks. 

“Huh?” Dean raises an eyebrow.

“Can I show you _ on you?” _

“Uhm, okay…”

“That means I have to look and I have to touch you…” Cas explains, “Are you comfortable with that?”

Dean nods. “Ye-yes.”

“Okay,” Cas kneels in between Dean’s legs sitting back on his feet. Cas has clearly abandoned the blanket thing. Dean gulps and looks at Cas’s dick. In all its glory. For longer this time. 

Then, Cas, with a swift motion, yanks Dean’s blanket down. Dean takes his fingers out of his ass and puts his hands up. He’s blushing really hard, really embarrassed. Cas is looking at him so focused, it’s hard to stay cool. 

Cas smiles at Dean for a second, then he pretty much jams two fingers into Dean’s hole. “Woah,” Dean groans. Precome comes globbing out of his dick. 

Cas holds still, “Am I hurting you?” He asks.

“No,” Dean says quickly, “No, I was just… shocked again. Huhhh…” Dean groans. 

“Oh, okay. That’s fine then.” Cas nods. “Okay, here it is,” Cas says, then he starts doing what he wanted to show Dean. He pushes his fingers in a bit more, then starts inching them. 

“Hah!” Dean moans. 

Cas smiles and does it again.

“Ffff…. Fuck!” Dean moans, biting his lip. 

“See?” Cas takes his fingers out of Dean and sits back next to him. “It feels good, correct?”

Dean gulps, “Yeah… Yeah, Cas… It did.” Dean nods for longer than he has to. 

Dean sees that Cas has promptly gotten back to masturbating and watching porn. Did that just happen? Did that really just happen? Cas fingered Dean for a few seconds. That was real. That was something that happened. 

“Are you going to continue?” Cas asks Dean. They have clearly given up on the blanket privacy thing. 

“Yeah,” Dean gulps, “Yeah,” He zones back in and slides his fingers back inside himself. 

“You seemed to like that,” Cas grunts, “More than I did.”

“Cas,” Dean chuckles, “I’m jealous you can reach your prostate by fingering yourself. I can’t do that.”

“The prostate is the reason that felt so pleasant?” Cas asks. “Prostate stimulation is something I had not considered.”

“Yeah, dude,” Dean starts, “It’s  _ the shit. _ I’m jealous, seriously.” Dean says, making Cas smile. “You even got to  _ mine.” _ Dean goes on. 

“I’m glad you like it but sorry you cannot mimic it yourself, as that was the point.”

“Yeah,” Dean nods, “That was the point,” He mumbles to himself. 

“I will put my blanket back on if you would like. I didn’t because you didn’t.”

“No,” Dean grunts, “It’s cool.”

“Okay.” Cas nods. “Uhm, I think I am about to ejaculate,” He says immediately after. Dean is confused on how Cas can talk through them, but he moves on. 

“Race you,” Dean says. 

“What?” Cas asks. 

“I bet I come first,” Dean starts working harder. Grunts and moans follow. Dean knows he’s ridiculous, but it’s kinda funny to him. 

“No!” Cas grunts as Dean comes. Dean guesses that’s because Cas wanted to win, that would be funny. 

“Haha,” Dean laughs after he comes down from his orgasm. He mostly came on himself because of the way he is sitting. 

“I’m going to now,” Cas closes his eyes. The video has already ended and is now rolling credits. “Mmm!” Cas grunts. Then, Dean glances over at the exact perfect time because he sees Cas come all over himself. And on his tie. That’s hot. Dean looks quickly away. As hot as that was. Especially with the moan Cas let out.

Cas’s eyes start glowing blue and Dean sees that Cas’s come is suddenly gone. Then Cas hovers his hand above Dean’s tshirt and cleans him up too. Dean notices that it includes the lube. And his hand is clean again. 

“Thank you,” Dean yawns. 

Of course,” Cas nods, standing up. 

Dean tries not to look. He really does. But, Cas’s back is turned, he’s not gonna know if Dean steals a look. 

Mmm. Cas really has such a fine ass. So good. Dean closes his eyes, trying to remember the sight.

He opens his eyes again and sees Cas dressed, pulling his coats back on. Dean figures he better get dressed again too… But, he’s going to sleep, so he only needs to put his briefs back on. 

“I liked this pornography the most so far,” Cas starts. “I liked the kissing again. It was very passionate. I also liked it when the man on the bed was being ‘fingered.’” Cas uses finger quotes. “And the way the man above him used his hips while driving into him,” Cas closes his eyes, smiles, and wiggles delightedly. “I suppose I enjoyed most aspects of it.”

“That’s good…” Dean nods, “A lot to go on…”

“Uhm, Dean?” Cas looks down shyly. “I enjoy watching men… I think…”

“Okay…” Dean smiles, “Now we know!”

“Yes… This is a good thing?” Cas tries to state but it comes out more like a question.

“Yes.”

“Good,” Cas smiles. “Okay. I’ll turn your lights off.” Cas says, doing that. “I’m going to leave you alone now.” 

Yeah. Alone. Dean is alone. 

“I hope your dreams are pleasant!” And Cas walks out of his now dark and lonely room. 

Dean lays down completely, holding the pillow tightly to his chest again. He doesn’t know what to think or how to feel. Is he happy because of what happened? They masturbated together, he likes that. And Cas fingered him. It was only for a couple of seconds, but it was still amazing. Just the fact that it happened is amazing. And it was even better because Cas jammed ‘em up against his prostate. So that's all pretty great. Dean also got to see Cas’s dick again. For longer this time. Just the thought excites Dean a little bit again. And then he got to see his ass too. And, Cas… Apparently… Is aroused by guys. That’s good. And now Dean doesn’t have to feel weird that he is also aroused by guys. 

On the other hand, Dean might feel pretty upset. While it’s true that Cas  _ did  _ finger him, it was only because he was trying to show Dean something. That’s the only reason. Which is  _ fine. _ It’s fine. 

Dean knows Cas doesn’t like him. It’s okay. It’s whatever. 

Ugh. He wishes Cas would stay a little bit afterward. Not just, turn off the TV and bolt! Dean does feel a bit lonely right now but that of course, makes sense.  _ He’s alone. _

Stupid Cas with his stupid touching making Dean feel all these stupid feelings. 

Dean closes his eyes.

At least he gets to do it again tomorrow. And they abandoned the blanket thing so that’s… Actually, it might be awkward but it could also be good. 

Wait-

Did Cas ever say they were going to do it again tomorrow?

Surely he did. He tells Dean every time. 

But Dean doesn’t remember him saying it this time!

Maybe Dean just forgot. He  _ was _ pretty dazed because of Cas and his naked self. 

It’s fine. They are probably going to do it again tomorrow, nothing to worry about. Dean hopes. 

Dean hopes. 

He closes his eyes extra tight and squeezes the pillow, pressing it into himself even harder because damn, he really hopes. 

He hopes he not just… The guy with the porn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awe poor Dean... He's such a dramatic over-thinker... It makes things hard. 
> 
> Comment! We can be best friends if that sounds enticing!


	6. The Vibrator

“You told Cas I have a girlfriend?” Dean grouches as the first words he says to Sam the next morning. Dean is in the kitchen making coffee and Sam has just walked it for the same reason. 

Sam is a bit thrown at first. 

“No,” Sam shakes his head. Dean glares at him. “I told him  _ I thought _ you had a girlfriend,” Sam chuckles. “Did he ask you about it?” Sam laughs. 

Dean rolls his eyes. “Yes! Why are you talking to him about it?” Dean punches Sam in the shoulder. Not hard. Just enough for Sam to know Dean’s upset. 

“Second opinions… I don’t know. You guys are close so I figured you told him about her-”

“There’s no her!” Dean laughs. “Sammy, seriously.”

“Alright… Sure… I’ll play along. There’s no her.”

“You’re ridiculous. Don’t talk to Cas about it. Actually-” Dean shakes his head, “Don’t  _ talk _ about it.”

“Touchy, touchy,” Sam teases. Dean punches him again. Harder. “Ah, alright!” 

Throughout the day, Dean wonders if him and Cas are gonna… masturbate, he guesses. What do you even call what they are doing? Masturbating works, that’s probably the most accurate thing. Cas smiles at him all day still, so Dean  _ thinks _ they are, but nothing has been said. 

After dinner, Cas kind of disappears. No one really knows where he is. It’s not a big deal though, the guy’s busy, they don’t all need to keep track of each other all the time. It’s fine.

But then it gets pretty late. 

And Cas still isn’t back. 

And people are starting to go to bed. 

First Sam. 

Then Jack. 

Finally Dean. 

Dean’s kinda upset now and he’s concerned it's gonna be another one of those tossing nights of sleep Cas was talking about. 

Dean lays down, not undressing. Doesn’t really feel like it. He’s just laying there in jeans and the flannel he put on today. Whatever. 

Almost as much as Dean wishes Cas loved him, he wishes he didn’t love Cas. That would be easier. If him and Cas were really just… Friends. 

But he loves Cas anyway. 

He doesn’t know why he’s upset Cas isn’t with him right now. They don’t have to masturbate every day! Dean didn’t even masturbate every day before all this started. And just because they skip a day doesn’t mean it’s over. 

Dean lays there awake for a while. By himself. 

So that’s why he is super startled when there are two, very faint knocks on his door. He looks up as the door opens. “You’re awake!” Cas says excitedly. Cas walks in, closes the door, and locks it. He struggles with that for a second though because his hands are full of plastic shopping bags. “I’m glad you’re still up! I was worried you had gone to sleep!”   
“Cas!” Dean smiles. “Where’d you go?” Dean honestly doesn’t care, he's just glad Cas is here now.

“I bought these,” Cas sets the bags on the bed and Dean sits up. “I wanted to buy you pillows but I thought about what you said yesterday and thought it to be best if Sam didn’t know I bought these pillows for you!” Cas explains. 

Dean looks at the bags and Cas literally bought 10 pillows. 

“I also bought pillowcases.”

“Ugh,” Dean smiles, “Thank you…” Dean reaches out and touches one of them. 

“I felt all the ones in the store until I felt the one that most closely resembled the ones you already have. It was the only kind I knew for sure that you enjoyed.”

“Wow…” Dean chuckles. “That explains why you were gone for so long, then,” Dean laughs a bit. He starts pulling the plastic off the pillows and starts putting cases on them.

Cas follows Dean’s lead. “Yes, I didn’t mean to be out so late. As I said, I was worried you were asleep. But you are awake!”

“Yep,” Dean laughs.

They finish getting all the pillows made. Dean stuffs all the plastic trash into one bag which he sets on the floor. 

“Cas, this is a lot of pillows…” Dean says. His bed is now covered in them. Which makes sense because there  _ are _ a dozen of them. 

“Yes!” Cas smiles. “Wait- Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

Dean rolls his eyes with a smile, “A good thing,” He guesses.

“Yes!” Cas cheers. “You don’t have to keep them all on your bed, but it seems good to just have them, right?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Dean replies. 

“They probably won't all fit with both of us laying down anyway…” Cas rolls his eyes, pushing away pillows and laying down. 

Dean smiles and lays down too, putting a few pillows on the floor. “Is uhh… Are Sam and Jack asleep?”

“Sam is awake,” Cas notes.

Damnit, Sam. 

“I wanted to talk to you before we watch pornography though if that’s okay…”

Yeah, they always talk before they- “Oh, is this a serious talk?” Dean asks. 

Cas shrugs, “Yes? Maybe…”

“Okay, what’s up?” Dean turns his head to face Cas. 

“I was thinking and… Well, I don’t really know… Do friends… Do friends do this sort of thing? Genuinely?”

Dean starts panicking but he hides it well. “Er- Well… They  _ can…  _ I think…”

“Okay… So it’s okay to do it with other friends then?” Cas turns to face Dean too.

“No!” Dean says quickly.

“So then it’s  _ not  _ the sort of thing that friends do together…” Cas looks away. “Then we probably shouldn’t be doing it…”

“Wait,” Dean swallows, “It’s different for us…”

“It is? Why?” Cas asks, intrigued. 

Dean thinks for a moment. Because I love you. “Because we’re  _ best _ friends,” Dean explains. 

“We are?” Cas smiles.

“Well, you’re  _ my _ best friend…” Dean admits. 

“You are my best friend as well, Dean.” Cas smiles. And laughs a little. “You’re my best friend!”

“Right,” Dean giggles too.

“We are best friends, yes!” Cas cheers. “You are my best friend. Dean Winchester is my best friend!”

“Yeah,” Dean smiles. Cas is so cute. What the hell. 

“So that means we can still keep doing this?”

“I think so…” Dean says.

“Good! I did not want to stop. I’m relieved.” Cas bites his lip. 

“Yeah,” Dean nods. 

“So all we have to do is wait for Sam to sleep…” Cas closes his eyes, “When did he go to bed?”

“About… An hour ago…”

“And he still is not asleep?” Cas questions. “I wonder what he’s doing…”

“I try not to,” Dean laughs.    
“Oh!” Cas exclaims, “Do you think he’s-”

_ “I TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT!”  _ Dean reiterates. 

“My apologies,” Cas laughs. “I don’t know why I find it humorous, the thought of Sam-” Cas pauses abruptly. He stands up, still silent. Dean watches him confused. Cas starts stripping his coat and jacket, “Dean, he’s asleep!”

“Oh,” Dean stands up. “Gottcha,” Dean starts unbuttoning his flannel.

“What are you doing?” Cas asks. “You never take off your shirt…”

Dean looks down, “Oh, that’s because I usually wear tshirts.”

“What does that have to do with masturbating?” Cas tilts his head and bends down to untie his shoes.

“Well, when my shirts button up I take them off…” Dean swallows. “They aren’t as comfortable as tshirts…” Dean slides his shirt off finally. “And it… Chokes me when I move around too much…” Dean mumbles. 

Cas stands up and starts undoing his belt. Dean can’t  _ not _ look. “So you remove shirts with buttons while masturbating?” Cas asks.

“Yeah…” Dean knees to the floor, reaching under the bed for his box of porn.

Cas gets his pants off. “Very well,” Cas starts unbuttoning his shirt and soon he's standing in his socks and underwear. 

Dean forces his eyes away from Cas so he can find the right DVD. 

Cas sits on Dean’s bed, “What have you chosen today?” Cas asks. 

“Uhm… This one-” Dean squeaks a bit so he pauses and clears his throat. “This one can go one of two ways for you, so I have a backup.”

“You do not think I will enjoy it?” Cas asks. 

“No, that’s not what I mean…” Dean stands up with two DVDs and walks to the TV. “It’s just… This one is kinda… Kinky… So if you don’t like it,” Dean holds up the second box, “We can go the other way…”

“Alright,” Cas takes his underwear off and waits patiently on Dean’s bed.

“We gotta try…  _ all the porn,”  _ Dean laughs, “Right Cas?” Dean glances over at Cas. “Holy shit,” Dean mumbles and turns away. He’s just… shocked again. He needs to calm the fuck down and stop doing it or he’s gonna make Cas self-conscious. “Er-” Dean gets the video going, “Uhm, there’s not any kissing in this one… Well, on the lips anyway… You’ll see…” Dean says upfront. 

“That’s alright,” Cas smiles, “Other things arouse me too…” 

Alright. Here we go. Dean’s gotta take his pants off now. Cas is watching the TV, it’s not weird. Cas is already naked so it’s not weird. Even if Cas  _ does look, _ he’s seen him before so it’s not weird. Dean steps out of his pants and sits next to Cas. 

“Oh, my,” Cas swallows as the scene comes on. “He is very restrained…” Cas comments. 

There is a guy tied down to a table by his wrists and ankles. His legs are spread a bit wide as well. And there is another man in the room, not tied, but he hasn’t done anything yet. 

“What is…” Cas gulps, “In his mouth…” Cas puts his hand on his dick and starts stroking very slowly. 

“It’s a ball gag,” Dean answers with a slight blush.

“And he is blindfolded…” Cas comments.    
“Yep…” Dean nods, touching his dick now that it’s hard. 

“Why does he have those things?”

“It’s hot…” Dean smiles. “He can’t see so he doesn’t know what’s going to happen, and he can’t talk… And that muffles his moans too. It’s nice…” 

“Alright,” Cas nods. “I can see why he would want that…” 

Ugh, Cas is such a dork… Dean glances at him and smiles. 

The guy puts lube onto his fingers then slides two into the man on the table. He twitches a little but he stays quiet. 

“Mmm,” Cas hums. 

Dean closes his eyes to focus on something other than the sound Cas just made. Okay… He’s good. He watches again. The guy uses his free hand to glide up and down his partner's body. In doing so, he tweaks the guy’s nipple a little bit. Dean brushes his finger slightly over the bud of one of his nipples. Mmm… Dean lets his hand fall back down. 

“Do you see what he is doing to the other man's nipples?” Cas asks. “Just like in the one we already watched…” Cas says. 

“Yeah…” Dean nods. “It is.”

“I’m going to touch my nipples too,” Cas says. A few seconds later he grumbles quietly. 

“What's wrong?” Dean huffs. 

“I knew it didn’t feel spectacular but I was hoping that had changed… It didn’t.”

“It’s okay, Cas,” Dean says again, “Not everything is gonna get you going… It’s not a big deal.”

“Okay,” Cas sighs.

The man in the video adds a third finger into him, still letting his hand delicately wander and roam his body.    
“May I use some of your lube again please, Dean?” 

Dean’s eyes go wide for a second. “Yeah, of course…” Dean reaches over and pulls open the top drawer of his bedside table and pulls out the lube. “Here you go, use as much as you want.”

“Thank you!” Cas smiles. He gets the lube onto his finger and does like he did yesterday. 

Dean tries really hard to keep his eyes on the TV. Cas seems to be doing that successfully, why can’t Dean? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Dean is helplessly in love with the naked guy sitting right next to him. Or maybe it’s his lack of self-control. It could be that. Or both. Probably both. 

“Another sex toy!” Cas cheers. Dean snaps back. “This one is quite large, I’m sure he will enjoy the girth more than the woman did in the other video.”

Dean gulps. 

“I think I’m going to add a third finger into myself… Mmm,” Cas hums, “That was a good decision…” Dean chuckles a little bit. “Dean, why is he just leaving it inside his partner? I thought it was supposed to be for thrusting? But it’s just… Inside of him. Is that all?- Oh, he likes it very much. He’s twitching more than I have ever seen,” Cas tilts his head. “What’s going on?”

“Uhm,” Dean is having a bit of a hard time getting words out because he’s feeling… let’s say  _ good.  _ “The one before was a dildo… It doesn’t do anything so that means someone has to do something with it. This one…” Dean grunts, “Is a vibrator. It vibrates inside him so no one has to do anything.”

“Oh.”

“Of course, you can still do something with it, but you can also just leave it in.”

“Alright,” Cas nods. “I like that…” 

The man smiles as the other twitches. The next thing he does is start to jack off his partner. Fast. He moans around the gag. 

“Woah,” Cas says, “You are right about his moan sounding pleasant, Dean. Mm! I felt that somewhere… I don’t know where…”

“It’s good, right?”

“Yes,” Cas smiles. Cas slouches lower. “Look how he’s drooling around the gag…” Cas bites his lip. “He’s losing control already…” Cas notices. 

Dean starts pumping faster. “So you like this one enough that we don’t have to change it?” Dean grunts. 

“Please don’t change it,” Cas shakes his head, “I like this one a lot. He can’t do anything. He is at the will of his partner.”

Dean nods, Cas got it exactly right. He freaking gets the kink and it’s only his first time watching something like this. 

The guy in the video is not holding back at all. His partner is thrashing… Or at least he would be if he wasn’t tied down so tightly. 

“He ejaculated…” Cas comments. “In little… spurts… all over himself…” Cas bites his lip. “That is very arousing.”

Dean doesn’t say anything. He’s got a lot to focus on. 

“His partner is leaving him as he is…” Cas comments. 

The man starts sucking the guy’s dick. 

“What is he doing? He already ejaculated…” 

“Sometimes…” Dean grunts, “They keep going after… Because they get- Oh fuck,” Dean groans a little, “They get sensitive and it drives them crazy.”

The man in the video sucks hard. Cas hasn’t really seen anything like this before. This oral stimulation is  _ much _ different than the one he saw before. The man is so passionate about his sucking. And the guy receiving it is an out-of-control mess.

“The vibrator seems to be doing a lot, I wonder how that feels…” Cas closes his eyes to finger himself more focused. 

“Uhm,” Dean slows down his pumping. “Cas… If I had one… Would you…” Dean can’t believe he’s asking this. His sex-addled, monkey-brain is unpredictable. “Would you want to use it?”

Cas turns his head toward Dean. “Would you… If you had one… Would you let me use it?” Cas asks.

Dean looks at Cas. Up and down, “I would.”

“Then yes, I would want to,” Cas says, staring into Dean’s eyes. 

“Okay,” Dean grunts and slides off the bed, “I have one…”

“Really?” Cas cheers, “You really have one?” Cas asks. 

“Yep,” Dean unburies the box and gets back on the bed. He slides the vibrator out of the box and sets the box on the side table. “Here you go…” Dean passes it to Cas, not looking at him. Dean’s face is really,  _ really _ hot. 

“Thank you, Dean!” Cas moves, kneels, and faces Dean. Dean doesn’t know why he moved. “I’m very excited, thank you… But… I don’t know how to use this…”

Dean chuckles awkwardly, still avoiding eye contact, “Didn’t you see the guy in the video?”

“Our circumstances are much different,” Cas says. “How do  _ you _ use this?” 

“How do  _ I _ use it? Like… Me personally?”

“Yes.”

Dean does a lot of different things. He could tell Cas any of them, but he has one in mind… If Cas wants to know… He’s got all these pillows now… He could spare  _ one. _ Dean would really like to see Cas do this idea… Is it a little selfish? A little bit, yes. Is it also a little creepy? Just a smidge. But… So far, Cas doesn’t seem to mind Dean’s staring. Dean’s not dumb, he knows he doesn’t hide it well. 

“Okay… Uh,” Dean swallows. “You ever grinded into a pillow before?” Dean asks. 

“No,” Cas bites his lip. 

“Okay…” Dean nods, “I think you should try… Well, put lube on it first, then slide it in, turned on…” Dean swallows. There is a guy moaning in the background of his explanation and if Dean’s being honest, everything is distracting him right now. “Then you… Lay on your stomach… With a pillow right,” Dean rolls his eyes and vaguely gestures at his junk, “You know, right there. And grind into it.”

“Grind into it?” Cas asks. “Like with my hips?”

“Yes.”

“And that will feel pleasant?”

“Yeah. Friction is  _ good. _ It’s real good. And the vibrator can just… do its thing. And if it starts to come out, just push it back in…”

“Alright,” Cas nods, “I understand,” He puts lube onto the vibrator as this was the first step. “If I’m faced down, how will I see the pornography?” Cas asks. 

“Close your eyes and listen…” Dean smiles.

“Oh, the audio by itself can be stimulating…” Cas nods, “You have such good ideas, Dean. I’m glad we are best friends.”

Cas crawls down the bed on all fours. He picks up a pillow and holds it against himself and lays down. “Is this where the pillow needs to be?”

Dean is staring. Drooling almost. “Yeah,” Dean squeaks out. 

“How do I turn this on?” Cas passes the vibrator to Dean. 

“There's a button on the side,” Dean takes it and clicks it. 

“Woah, that looks like some very intense vibrations.” Cas bites his lip. “Will you put it inside of me please, Dean?” Cas pushes his butt out. 

Dean can feel the precome dripping out of his dick, “You want- You want me to put it in for you?” Dean asks. 

“If you don’t mind since you have it and all…”

“Alright,” Dean gulps. He moves over closer to Cas. Dean is shaking so much. Noticeably shaking.  _ Fuck. _ Dean put’s the end of the vibrator against Cas then slowly pushes it in. 

“Mmh, this is much bigger than fingers,” Cas groans. 

“Should I stop?” Dean freezes. The vibrator is about halfway in. 

“No, put it all the way in please…”

“Okay…” Dean gulps. He sweating and shaking and  _ fuck _ is his face red. 

“Mmh…” Cas moans long and drawn out. “That does feel good.” Dean moves back away, sitting against the headboard again. “I can see why someone would enjoy having a vibrator inside of them…. It’s a whole different kind of sensation.” Cas says calmly. He rests his body back against the bed and the pillow. “So now I can begin ‘grinding?’” 

Dean looks back to the porn, “Yep!”

“Like this?” Cas asks. It’s still for a second. “Dean, watch me so I can be sure I’m doing this correctly! I don’t want to mess it up!” Cas says. 

“Okay,” Dean looks over at Cas. 

“Very well,” Cas moves. He grinds his hips so smoothly into the pillow. Nice and slow… Dean is sure that it felt great for him. “Is that correct?”

“Perfect, Cas…” Dean swallows, “You’re per- That was perfect…”

“Good,” Cas smiles, closing his eyes. “I'll continue since this all feels very pleasant.”

“Okay,” Dean nods. 

Mm. Mm, mm, mm. Cas’s ass. Dean got to put something in Cas’s ass. Sure Cas only asked him to do it because it was convenient for him, but Dean  _ still _ got to do it. And now Cas is next to Dean, groaning and grinding… He moves so swiftly… Just like he walks. And his noises are amazing. Dean tries to watch the porn. He never thought he would have trouble watching porn. He started out by fighting himself to not stare at Cas. But… Cas’s eyes are closed. And eventually, Dean’s lingering glances turn into watching. 

“Dean this is quite nice,” Cas opens his eyes. Dean looks quickly away. “Are you going to do this too?” 

Dean doesn’t think he can. If he does, he’s gonna come instantly, and honestly, he’d rather jack off a little longer. “N…” Dean swallows, “No… Not this time…” 

“Very well,” Cas closes his eyes. “What is happening on the television?”

“Are you still listening?”

“Yes, and one of them grew louder…”

“Yeah.”

“Will you describe it?”

“You want me to…” Dean groans a little, “Describe it to you?” Dean’s eyebrows come together.

“If you don’t mind… If you don’t want to I can always look for myself. Don’t do it if you don’t want to.”

“That’s okay…” Dean clears his throat. “Uhm… The guy stopped sucking the other guy’s dick…”

“What is he doing now? Anything?”

“He started kissing the dude’s neck and that’s what…” Dean pauses, “Made him make all the noises,” Dean forces out. 

“Is he still doing that?” Cas grunts. 

“No…” Dean says. “He’s uh… He pushed the vibrator farther into the guy… Can hardly see it now…”

“Mmm,” Cas hums. Dean sees him reach a hand back and push onto the end of the vibrator he’s got in him. “Woah,” Cas says in awe. “Then what?”

“He started sucking and biting…” Dean groans and speeds up his hand. “On one of his nipples.”

Cas sits his chest up by his hands, “Really?” He quickly turns around and resituates, sitting… Well, slouching next to Dean again. So apparently Cas really wants to see that. “Mmm,” Cas holds the vibrator in place then starts jacking off. “I got some ejaculate on your pillow but I will clean it off after.” Cas groans again. 

The shot changes again and it's a close up of the guy working on his partner's nipple. 

“Wow,” Cas mumbles. He starts stroking himself faster. “He’s enjoying this, look how he’s reacting to it,” Cas says. “I’m learning a lot.”

Cas keeps saying that. 

“Oh fuck,” Dean groans. Is he seriously going to come before Cas does? Again? Dean moans high-pitched and loud then comes. A lot, actually. It goes everywhere. 

“You moaned louder than the man in the video, Dean,” Cas comments. 

Dean is panting, out of breath so he doesn’t reply.

“I really like this sex toy you have, Dean…” Cas jacks off faster. Dean sees and respectfully looks back at the TV. Much easier to make the right decisions post-orgasm. 

“It’s starting,” Cas comments. Dean chuckles because, again, Cas is a dork. A few moments later Cas comes. And groans. Long and low. “Oh my,” He pants afterward. He pulls the vibrator out of his ass and looks for the button to turn it off. “That needed to come out, that was too much. How did the man deal with that stimulation after he orgasmed?” Cas looks to Dean. 

“Uh… He didn’t exactly have a choice, did he.”

“No,” Cas smiles, “It was wonderful.” 

“You liked it?” Dean smiles.

“Very much. That was fascinating,” Cas’s eyes glow blue again and he is cleaned. “Here you go,” Cas passes the vibrator to Dean. “This is clean now. Thank you for letting me use it. It was very fun. And it’s a good size, I think.” Cas smiles. Dean takes it from him, blushing, trying to not be awkward. “Your pillow is also clean now.”

There is a particularly loud and muffled moan from the TV that catches both of their attentions. 

“He is consuming it?” Cas tilts his head. 

The guy is now licking off come from the man’s stomach. 

Cas looks back to Dean, holding a stare. It weirds Dean out a bit. “What?”

Cas turns his body to face Dean, still not saying anything. “I want to try…” Cas says. 

“Try what?” Dean asks nervously. 

Cas reaches his hand over to Dean and wipes a finger through the come that is slowly drying on his stomach. Dean is frozen. Cas puts the finger to his mouth and licks the come off of it. “It congealed,” Cas says. “It actually does not taste bad or overwhelming with molecules…” Cas nods. “Alright,” Cas hovers a hand over Dean and he’s all clean again. 

Dean is still sitting next to him, speechless. That did not just happen.

“The pornography is over, I will turn it off.”

Dean nods. 

Cas gets up and puts the DVD in its case. He picks up the extra one and hands them both to Dean. 

Dean can’t stop glancing. Cas is so beautiful. He’s got such a nice body. Mm!

“Are you going to get dressed again? You don’t sleep naked, correct?”

“No…” Dean grunts, “No I don’t.”

Cas starts pulling his pants back on. “Would you like me to dress you?”

“No,” Dean chuckles. “That’s alright, Cas…” Dean smiles and starts getting dressed. 

“I was just wondering if you needed assistance since you weren’t dressing.” Cas starts buttoning his shirt up again.

“I got it,” Dean laughs. Dean’s laughter helps with the tension he feels. 

Cas starts putting his tie back on, “I liked this video,” Cas says. “I liked that the man was restrained, I found that very arousing. And the gag… That was interesting.” He continues. “And the man seemed to be quite versed in oral stimulation. And I liked that part with his nipples.”

“And the vibrator?’ Dean asks.

“Oh, I loved the vibrator. I liked using one and I liked watching him. And even after his orgasm when he kept going… Mm!” Cas hums, eyes closed, wiggling slightly. Cas is now fully dressed again. “And the pillow was very good advice Dean, I’m happy you suggested it.”

“No problem,” Dean nods, putting all the stuff away. 

“Uhm,” Cas swallows. “I do prefer when the men have actual penetrating sex, do you know what I am trying to say?” Cas tilts his head. “I know they  _ did _ have sex and the man  _ did _ get penetrated, but I mean when-”

“I know what you mean,” Dean smiles, “You want the dick to go in… Got it.”

“Yes,” Cas nods. “I ‘want the dick to go in.’” He uses finger quotes. 

Mm! Dean wishes Cas had not just said that. Damnit. He wants Cas so bad. 

“Alright,” Cas says. “Thank you for being awake when I got back!” Cas says.

“Yeah…” Dean nods, “Thanks for the pillows…” Dean is actually, genuinely excited about the pillows. 

“Of course!” Cas nods. “Okay,” Cas reaches for the door. “Next time you can use the vibrator,” Cas smiles. Cas unlocks the door. Dean is just standing and watching Cas. “I hope your dreams are pleasant… Goodbye, Dean.” Cas walks out, closing the door behind him. 

Dean lays on the bed, surrounded by pillows. Pillows for every reason he could think to use them. It’s nice. 

Cas said next time, so that’s good. Dean is happy Cas liked the bondage thing. Cas seems like the kind of guy who would like to be the one in control during sex. That’s kinda his personality anyway. Bet he would fuck Dean real good. Cas definitely would do the fucking. 

Dean is basing this off of just what Cas seems into, but he thinks he’s right. Cas just needs to know what to do, but once he’s got it… Whew… Cas is a top  _ for sure. _

Dean thinks. 

Not that it matters. 

It doesn’t. 

Which sucks. 

As always. 

Dean loves him so fucking much. At least he has this. Dean smiles to himself. 

And Cas ate Dean’s come today. Which was unexpected. Dean is sure that if Cas’s own come had been available then he would have tried that. But Cas already cleaned himself so that left Dean. 

And it was so hot. 

So hot. 

Dean closes his eyes and goes to sleep on a high note. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean got to put a vibrator into the love of his freaking life in this chapter which makes it my favorite one. Sue me.


	7. Dean is Sexy But Overwhelmed

It’s inevitable. They have to go on another hunt at  _ some point. _ Dean was actually pretty shocked that almost a whole week had gone by and they didn’t find a new one. 

Sam found it last night so they all leave in the mornings. And that’s why, right now, Dean is driving them all to fucking South Dakota. 

Hopefully, it will be an easy werewolf case but you never know. They gotta go check the morgue to be sure. Which is gross. And Dean hates it. 

But it is what it is. 

Just a  _ short  _ seven-hour drive and they are at the motel. They drop off their stuff and start planning. 

“Okay, so we should check out the morgue first, then go to the scene after, right?” Sam suggests. 

“Yeah, guess so,” Dean nods, putting his stuff down on the bed closest to the air conditioner. 

“Okay,” Sam nods, getting clothes that make him look like an authority ready to change into. “I’ll go and-”

“Jack!” Cas interrupts. “You should… Go with Sam!” He suggests randomly. 

“Alright,” Jack nods. “Why?”

“So… Dean and I can do research on the deceased person.” 

“Okay,” Jack smiles and nods. “I’ll put on my suit.”

Dean side-eyes Cas. He doesn’t wanna do  _ research. _ But he also doesn’t wanna go to the morgue. The corners are always… A little off. But who is Dean to judge?

A few minutes later, Sam holds out his hand. “Keys?” 

Dean begrudgingly tosses the keys to Sam and him and Jack walk out of the motel room. 

Dean turns to Cas. 

“So we are researching?” Dean rolls his eyes. 

“Well, I did not think you wanted to go with Sam since you don’t like the morgue.”

“You’re right,” Dean chuckles. He picks up his laptop and sits at the small little motel room table. He doesn’t like research either, but at least he’s with Cas… 

Dean looks up and Cas is suddenly standing very close to him. 

“Can I help you with something, Cas?” Dean asks, making a weird face at him then chuckling. 

“Yes,” Cas nods. “I was hoping we could actually use this time to watch pornography,” Cas says plainly. 

Dean’s eyes go wide. Is Cas horny right  _ now? _ Maybe he’s bored. What?

“Since I don’t think tonight will be a valid option, we have time right now… And we can research after.”

“Procrastinating on research to watch porn,” Dean giggles. “I like the way you think.”

“Thank you,” Cas smiles brightly at him. 

Dean closes his laptop. “I guess we can see what channels there are… And if worse comes to worst, I have some on my computer I guess… I just think it would be kinda hard to share that.”

“But you are agreeing to masturbate?” Cas asks to clarify. 

“Yes,” Dean giggles. 

“Yes!” Cas cheers. He starts taking off his clothes. 

Dean giggles and starts unbuttoning his flannel. He looks for the TV remote and the channel guide. He finally gets them and sits on his bed. Next to Cas. Who has already stripped down to his underwear. “Okay, there are a couple different options- What are you doing?” Dean asks because Cas got up.

“Locking the door,” Cas says like it’s obvious.

“Oh,” Cas sits back down. “Alright, let’s check this one,” Dean pushes a few numbers on the remote and it takes them to an adult channel. It’s a feature warning, it must be just starting. Dean looks at the time. 4:01. Cool. The scene starts and it looks like a female student and a male teacher. “Oh, Cas, this is gonna be really cheesy, you cool with that?” Dean asks.

“We can try it!” Cas says pulling his underwear off finally. 

“Okay,” Dean nods and sets the remote aside then starts shimmying out of his pants and underwear. 

They both watch, Cas more intensely than Dean. The scene escalates very quickly. It’s not very long before the woman is sucking the man's dick. 

“I really enjoy the oral aspect of this,” Cas says, stroking his dick slowly. 

“Yeah,” Dean agrees. “Look how far she goes down,” Dean admires. 

“Yes, and the slurping sounds she makes…” Cas adds.

They both hum, then glance at each other. Cas giggles, Dean smiles. 

It’s a little bit weird how they are bonding over porn. Dean never saw that happening with anyone. It’s too bizarre a thing to really think about.  _ Bonding over porn, ha! _

But here they are. 

They watch for a bit. This is the first time they are watching porn where Dean has not seen and pre-approved it. 

“Uhm…” Dean cringes. He stops moving on his dick. “Do you want to see what is on a different channel?” Dean asks. 

“Why?” Cas asks, glancing at Dean before looking at the TV again. 

“Because it looks like the direction this thing is going is towards  _ spanking _ and I’m super not into that.”

“Very well,” Cas nods. 

“I mean unless you wanna watch this one…”

“Well, if you do not enjoy it, I doubt I will. And I don’t want you to watch something you don’t enjoy…”

“Okay,” Dean picks up the remote and switches the channel. “This looks like…” They both watch and analyze for a moment, “Is this an actual show? A medical show- No,” Dean giggles. “Had me for a second, ha! Okay… Looks like we got two lesbian doctors.”

“It would seem so,” Cas smiles.

“Keep looking or stop here?”

“Whatever you would like,” Cas nods, still jacking off. 

“Well… Do you wanna watch chicks?”

“I am fine with it if that is what you would like to watch,” Cas nods. 

“Seriously Cas. What do you want to do? It’s important, when masturbating, to watch something you like.”

“What do you mean something I like?”

“Something you think is… I don’t know… Arousing.”

“Oh,” Cas nods. “Well, if it’s alright with you, maybe we can see what’s on the last channel.”

“Okay,” Dean chuckles and clicks on. “Oh my gosh, we got cowboys,” Dean smiles. “ _ Oh my gosh, we got gay cowboys.” _

“Do you find this arousing Dean?”

“A little bit, yeah,” Dean starts stroking again. 

“That’s good.” Cas shuffles a bit.

Dean’s eyes are glued to the screen. Gay, cowboy porn. And it’s free. And it doesn’t look that bad as far as free porn goes. And it’s new so there's the shock factor. And Cas is masturbating next to him. This is good. 

Dean bites his lip. “Mmm,” he groans softly. “Oh, Cas, look at his dick… Fucking thick.”

“Uhm,” Cas pauses, “Oh. Yes, it is.”

“And look at- Ugh,” Dean groans again, not really thinking enough to be embarrassed. “I wish I woulda brought my lube… What was I thinking?…” Dean rolls his eyes. 

“Do you wish you were fingering yourself?’ Cas asks plainly. 

“Yeah,” Dean giggles, “A little bit…. So you’re cool with this channel?” Dean asks. 

“If you like it…” Cas says.

“Cas,” Dean rolls his eyes again, “It matters if you like it! You’re watching it too-” Dean turns his head to Cas and gulps. “-Are you watching  _ me?” _

Cas has turned his entire body to face Dean.

Dean doesn’t know if he’s embarrassed or not. Cas always stares so intently.

“Yes,” Cas nods, still jacking off. 

Dean swallows, “Why are you watching  _ me?”  _

“You said to watch something I find arousing…” Cas tilts his head. 

Dean looks away to process for a second. “Cas, do you… You think I’m like…” Dean shrugs and does this little head movement, “Do you think I’m  _ sexy?”  _ Dean’s eyebrows come together. 

“Yes,” Cas nods as if his answer were obvious. “Does that make you uncomfortable?” Cas asks, worried. 

“N...no,” Dean shakes his head quickly, staring into Cas’s eyes.

“Good,” Cas nods, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

Okay. Cas thinks Dean is sexy. Arousing.  _ Foxy. _ That’s fine. They’re best friends that find each other sexy. And they masturbate together. And they’re best friends. That’s fine. 

“S-so… You’re just gonna watch me? Then?” Dean asks.

“I find both you and this channel very stimulating,” Cas says.

Dean doesn't really know what that means. Is Cas looking at him just like  _ he _ is porn? Is Dean porn to Cas? And does that mean Cas is going to watch the  _ actual _ porn? Or Dean? Or  _ both?  _

“Okay…” Dean nods and looks slowly back to the TV. He starts jacking off again.

“So is it alright that I watch you?” Cas asks. 

“I guess so,” Dean blushes. “But you’re missing good porn…” 

“Perhaps… But perhaps not.” 

Okay. Either Cas thinks this porn isn’t good, which is  _ insane.  _ It’s great porn.  _ Or, _ Cas thinks that Dean is good porn. And Dean doesn’t know how to feel about  _ either _ of the things.

“Cowboys!” Dean squeaks out randomly. There are too many things going on right now. 

“What?” Cas asks. 

“I wanna,” Dean pants and goes faster, still blushing furiously. “I wanna come.” Dean doesn’t want this to be  _ over, _ per se, but he’s super overwhelmed right now and the need to come just became very urgent. 

“Are you close?”

“No,” Dean whines. “Not yet.” Dean reaches down and starts fondling his balls.

“What are you doing?” Cas asks, sounding interested. 

“It helps,” Dean stays staring at the TV. Mm. Hot cowboys. Hot cowboys fucking each other. Mm.

“I will try,” Cas says calmly. 

“Yeah,” Dean says. “Yeah okay,” He nods. “Fuck.”

They missed the beginning so Dean is not sure how these two got where they are. One guy is bent over on his hands and knees just somewhere random outside in the shade of some tree and the other is fucking him from behind. Neither of them is close to naked. The guy on the bottom has his pants down a little past his knees. The guy on top just pulled his dick out it seems like. 

“Oh,” Cas moans, “It feels good when you…” Cas pauses. “I don’t know how to explain it. Dean, look and I’ll show you…” Dean turns to Cas. How can he resist an invitation like that? Cas sees Dean is watching then looks down at his lap again. “Okay, like this,” Cas says. He does a sort of roll with his fingers then it looks like a light squeeze. Cas kinda moans. “It may feel good if you try that… Then you can orgasm like you wish to…” Cas says,  _ helpfully. _

Fuck. Dean tries it just to make Cas happy, really. He’s right though, it does feel kinda good. Dean looks back at the TV. It’s not that Cas needed to show him that to help Dean orgasm. Just watching Cas gets him going. So much come came slowly out.

He would watch Cas but he can’t make himself do it. It’s too embarrassing. He wants to. He wants to  _ stare.  _ Like Cas is doing to him. Dean can’t stop himself from looking occasionally but he also can’t make himself stare. 

Okay. TV. Focus on the hot cowboys. Then come. Hot cowboys. 

Oh, the guy reached around to jack off his partner while he fucks him. Dean loves it when… When they do that. 

_ “Oh, fucking hell.”  _ Dean curses.

“Dean, these cowboys are gorgeous,” Cas says. 

“Huh?” Dean looks. Cas turned his head towards the TV. Guess he’s watching it- No. He’s looking back at Dean. “Do you see the man's legs muscles?” Cas must be talking about the guy on the bottom. Because  _ yes,  _ Dean sees them. “And his penis is quite thick, just like you said.”

“Oh, Cas,” Dean moans, closing his eyes. Awkward. He shouldn’t have moaned Cas’s name. 

Luckily, Cas seems to not register it correctly. “Do you not want me to talk about his penis?” Cas asks.

“I’m gonna come,” Dean pumps a few more times then comes with a huge groan. Then he’s left panting on the bed. 

“Alright,” Cas swallows. “I should be done soon… I think.” Of course  _ he thinks. _ All the feelings are new to him. About a minute and a half later, Cas comes. He groans too. Quieter than Dean, but still pretty loud. “That one was quite gratifying.” Cas’s eyes glow and he gets both him and Dean cleaned up. 

It  _ is _ really cool that Cas can do that. 

“It looked like you were trying to come quickly so I did as well!” Cas smiles. 

“Alright,” Dean nods and forces a smile.

“Well,” Cas continues to smile. “That was good, yes?”

“It was awesome.” It really was. 

“Great,” Cas starts getting redressed. “And now that we are both relaxed, we can get the research done. I’m sure it won’t take long.”

Dean starts getting dressed too. “Yeah… Relaxed…”

“Are you not relaxed? You once told me that masturbating can be a tool to help you relax.”

“Yeah… It is!” Dean says quickly. “So… yeah. Let’s- Let’s turn the TV to a different channel and turn it off. Then we can- Yeah.”

“Smart.” 

“Thanks,” Dean smirks. He does that then throws the remote back on the bed. 

“I know I’ve said this already, Dean, but I truly do enjoy when we masturbate together. I’m glad you are my best friend…” Cas smiles at him. Dean smiles back.

They both finish getting dressed and start researching. And Cas was right about it not taking long. He was wrong about the relaxing part though. Dean is  _ not _ relaxed. He’s got too much to think about. He needs to just… Think about this and figure it out. Figure everything out. But he doesn’t have time right now. But he needs to do it. At some point. Probably tonight. He’ll think about all this then.

For now, there are other priorities. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He definitely couldn't handle the thought of Cas finding him sexy. His brain shut down.


	8. Good Morning, Bad Morning

Mother  _ fucker. _

Dean hates this. 

After the hunt is over, a few days later, They are all back at the bunker but it's pretty late. Really late actually. Cas suggests to Dean that maybe they shouldn’t masturbate that night. Maybe they should just wait until the next day. 

Cas isn’t wrong. It is late.  _ Technically. _ But Dean stays up really late almost every night. Before… All this started, anyway. 

Dean guesses that it can wait until tomorrow night. 

“Uhm,” Dean starts, “Do you wanna masturbate, like… Like tomorrow morning?”

“The morning?” Cas raises an eyebrow. He thinks for a minute. “Okay,” Cas nods. “Can we also masturbate in the night?”

Haha.  _ ‘In the night.’ _ Like Batman.

“Yes!” Dean says excitedly. “Yes, we can do both…” 

“Okay,” Cas smiles, “But… How will we keep from getting noticed if everyone is awake?”

“Uh, I wake up before everyone else does.” Dean nods.

Cas tilts his head. “Dean, you wake up considerably later than Sam and Jack.”

“No,” Dean corrects. “I  _ get up _ later. I  _ wake up _ earlier.”

“Ohh,” Cas nods, finally understanding what Dean means. “So when should I come into your room then?” Cas asks. 

“I’m usually awake around 7.” Except for the nights they spend masturbating. Then Dean sleeps really well and for longer. 

“Okay,” Cas smiles.

“Okay,” Dean smiles back. “I’m gonna go eat something now,” Dean informs. They haven’t had dinner yet. 

This is not the part that Dean hates. They may not be masturbating tonight, but they are in the morning. And the night. Dean doesn’t hate that. He likes it a lot actually. 

He walks into the kitchen. Sam is there too, getting food.

“Hey,” Sam glances at Dean. 

Dean smiles, “Hey, Sammy,” Dean says happily. 

Dean glances again. This time for longer. He looks Dean up and down. “Are you uh… You happy about something?”

“What?” Dean asks. He panics and looks down. He’s not hard. He thought for a second that that is what Sam meant. He is relieved to know he’s wrong.

“You just seem like…” Sam chuckles and looks away as he continues what he’s doing. “I don’t know. Like you’re floating…”

“What?” Dean grunts. 

Yeah, he’s floating. Cas wants to masturbate with him. And touch him sometimes. And Cas wants to help Dean feel good sometimes, too. And Cas thinks he’s sexy. Arousing.

“It’s nice, is all.”

“Sam, we talked about this-”

“I know, I know, ‘stop being weird.’” Sam rolls his eyes. “You’re the one being weird about this.”

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s you,” Dean grunts. 

“No, it’s you, Dean,” Sam argues. “I like seeing you happy. It’s refreshing. And you’re my brother, so… I want you to be. I don’t know why you won’t tell me why you’re happy.” It’s silent for a second and Dean is glaring at Sam. “So if you aren’t going to tell me I am going to just assume I’m right about your secret girlfriend because I haven’t heard another reason.”

“I don’t have a secret girlfriend,” Dean says again. 

“So you’ve said,” Sam sits down at the table with a sandwich he made. It actually looks really good so Dean starts making one.

“But you still don’t believe me?” Dean asks.

“Not really,” Sam shrugs. “This is relationship Dean if I’ve ever seen it. You get up in the mornings at decent times…. You eat more consistently… Uh,” Sam thinks. “You smile more, you’re more happy, just in general. Less irritable. Less of a dick.”

“ _ You’re _ a dick,” Dean grouches.

Sam ignores him. “You’re more affectionate just with… People in general. It’s good. It’s relationship Dean.”

“I’m not in a relationship,” Dean says. He’s really not.

“Sure,” Sam nods. “Sure you aren’t.”

“I’m really not, Sam,” Dean finishes his sandwich which he thinks he’ll eat in his room. “I’m… Not.”

Sam pauses. Dean said that so sad. “You really aren’t?” Sam asks.

“I’m really not.”

“Oh,” Sam nods. 

“So what, you believe me  _ now?” _

“Yeah,” Sam takes another bite of his sandwich. 

“Okay,” Dean nods. “Good… I guess.”

“I don’t know what’s going on, but I’ll wait until you can just tell me I guess.”

“What?” Dean tilts his head. 

“Well, you  _ are _ relationship Dean-”

“Stop saying ‘relationship Dean,’ I’m gonna puke-”

_ “So! _ Something is going on. _ But! _ You obviously don’t want me to know. So I’ll leave you alone. And hope that you’ll just tell me. When you’re ready.”

“O- Okay,” Dean stutters.

“Alright,” Sam nods. “Goodnight.”

“Uhm, good night…” Dean walks out of the kitchen. 

He’s really not in a relationship with Cas. Really. 

They just. 

They just masturbate. 

Nothing else.

Cas doesn’t even hang out afterward. 

This is the part that Dean hates. In the morning when he wakes up, Cas is laying in the bed next to him. “Oh fuck,” Dean freaks out for a second. “Cas,” Dean laughs, “Fuck.”

“I didn’t mean to startle you…” Cas says, turning his head to face Dean.

“How long have you been in here?” Dean asks.

“Since 7 o’clock this morning,” Cas informs. 

“What time is it right now?” Dean asks.    
“7:08.”

“Oh,” Dean laughs. Then he looks at Cas. Like  _ really _ looks at Cas. 

He hates this. Not Cas laying in his bed. Not Cas walking in at exactly 7 because he’s a dork. Not their plan to masturbate right now. He hates that Cas looks so comfortable in his bed. He acts so casual in Dean’s room. He hates to see it because it reminds him of a relationship that he doesn’t have with Cas. 

And he won’t ever have with Cas. 

He can’t. Because Cas doesn’t love him. Not like that. 

Cas is an angel. And Dean is Dean. 

“Would you like to get started? You were right, Sam and Jack are both still asleep.” Cas smiles.

“Uh yeah-” Dean says sitting up, “Sure.” Dean shakes his head as if that will physically erase his bad thoughts like a fricken etch-a-sketch. 

“Are you alright?” Cas asks, tilting his head. 

“Yeah,” Dean kneels down by the bed and forces a smile, “All good.”

“Are you sure? Because we don’t have to do this if you do not wish to. You seem troubled. Does it have something to do with my being here?”

Cas has always been very good at reading Dean except when it comes down to his feelings for Cas. Cas seems so oblivious. 

“No, Cas, I’m glad you’re here. And I’m fine! I’m not troubled. I actually look forward to our little sessions.”

“You do?” Cas smiles.

“Hell yeah,” Dean says obviously. 

Cas smiles brightly. “I feel the same!” 

No, Cas, you don’t feel the same.

“Good,” Dean stands up with another DVD. “Okay, this one is kinda short, but we almost never watch ‘till the end anyway.”

“That is true,” Cas starts stripping. 

“Yeah,” Dean laughs. Putting it in. 

Dean takes off his pants but leaves his tshirt on. Cas gets completely naked because apparently, he abides by the taking off of your button-up shirt rule. Except both of them are still wearing their socks. Then Dean joins Cas on the bed. 

And either Cas scooted closer to Dean after he sat down, or Dean imagined that. So, Dean, testing the boundaries, scoots closer to Cas. Cas looks him up and down curiously but does not scoot away. He also doesn’t scoot any closer. 

The starting credits on the TV fade out and there is a guy who looks like he just walked into his home. He puts down a small stack of mail and hangs up his keys as he walks through. He walks up to a door that opens into a bedroom where there is an already naked man on the bed. “Hey honey,” The man smirks as he walks over to the bed. “Couldn’t wait?” The man asks. 

“No…” The man on the bed replies. He is jacking himself off and he seems unbothered by his partner.

“Do you see how pert hin nipples are?” Cas asks randomly. 

Dean looks. “Oh fuck, yeah.” Dean nods, “My nipples get like that sometimes.”

Dean doesn’t know why he said that. It just came out. It’s the  _ morning.  _ He isn’t really processing correctly. 

“They do? Is that when they are most sensitive? When they look this way?” Cas asks curiously. 

“Uhm,” Well now, Dean has to answer. “Yeah. And you just… pinch them a little bit and they feel… Really good.” Dean overshared again but he ignores it. “But it usually doesn’t happen unless I’m  _ in it.” _

“In it?” Cas asks.

“Yeah, like… This guy must have been masturbating for a while or they did stuff to him to make him look like that.”

“Oh,” Cas nods. He looks to the TV then at Dean then at the TV again. “Your nipples aren’t like that currently,” Cas says sadly.

Dean blushes. “Yeah,” He laughs awkwardly. “We just started so…”

The man on the TV sits down next to the guy on the bed, just watching. The man who is masturbating closes his eyes and really seems to be enjoying himself. Moaning a little. “Are you going to join me or just watch?” He grunts. 

“I think I will just watch for now. You are going really fucking good with this, I’d hate to get in the way…” The man replies. 

“Okay, but… Pass me the lube?” The masturbating guy asks. 

They both watch as the man gets the lube out of a drawer for his partner to use. Next are some great shots of this dude masturbating and fingering himself. His partner is lying next to him. Sometimes he watches, sometimes he ignores him. It depends. 

“I enjoy when the pornography actors do something that I can copy,” Cas states. 

Dean looks over and it looks like Cas is matching his hand to the other guys. “Yeah,” Dean nods. 

“I also enjoy how much  _ they _ enjoy themselves.”

“I get that,” Dean agrees.

The man who isn’t doing anything takes off his shirt and moves his upper half closer to his partner. “I’m ready to play,” He says, replacing the other man's hand on his cock. “You’ve been doing so good so far, you deserve this.” He starts jerking him off.

“I was beginning to think I would never see the day,” The man grunts as his partner slides his fingers into him. The man behind moaning even louder and wiggling slightly. 

“Dean?”

“Yes, Cas?”

“I don’t understand something. He was masturbating before… Then his partner stopped him and is now doing the exact same thing to him…”

“Yeah…” Dean nods. 

“But he seems to be enjoying it more when his partner does it.”

“Well, yeah…” Dean nods. “What’s your question?” Dean looks over at Cas who is staring at him. 

“Does it feel better when these things are performed by others compared to yourself?”

“Hell yeah.” 

“Dean, I have a request now,” Cas says shyly. 

“Alright…” Dean says cautiously.

“Since we masturbate together, would it be too much if we maybe… masturbated each other?” Cas asks. “I don’t know if best friends do that or not, but I think it could potentially be more gratifying if we did.”

“Masturbate… Eachother…” Dean repeats. Thinking about it. 

“Yes…” Cas says worried a bit. 

“Like third base? You wanna run straight to third base?”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“Uhm,” Dean gulps. “Why don’t  _ you _ tell me what you mean.”

“I mean we could take turns fingering each other and ‘jerking each other off.’”

“Oh,” Dean nods. 

“Because it appears it would be more gratifying than this…” Cas says. 

“Yeah,” Dean nods. “‘Because it would be more gratifying than this,’ yeah, gotcha.” Dean gulps. 

Cas wants them to do stuff to each other. Cas wants them to make each other feel better than they can make themselves feel. Cas wants-

“So is that a yes?” Cas asks. 

_ Is _ that a yes? It’s a yes and it’s the best morning  _ ever! _

“Absolutely, we can,” Dean says excitedly. 

“And we are still best friends, right?” Cas asks.

Dean doesn’t know why that applies but “Yeah!”

“Okay,” Cas nods and smiles. “Would you like to be fingered right now? I remember you telling me I can reach your prostate when you cannot.”

“Uhm,” Dean swallows and nods. “Yeah, if you want to…”

“Yes, it will make you feel good,” Cas smiles and moves down my Dean’s legs, facing him. Dean scrabbles carelessly through the drawer by his bed feeling for the lube. He finally gets a hold of it and passes it to Cas. 

Dean can’t believe this is happening. Of all the crazy things, holy shit. He never thought he’d be here. He thought just masturbating  _ separately under blankets _ was an impossible thought. Now he and Cas are- 

“Gah,” Dean whines softly. Cas pushed two lubed up fingers into Dean’s ass. 

“And while I do this you can watch the pornography if you would like,” Cas says with a smile.

“O-Okay,” Dean stutters. “I guess I’ll- Guess I’ll- Fuck!” Dean groans. 

“You are liking this,” Cas states, working his fingers apart inside of Dean.

“Yeah,” Dean pants, “You know what-” Cas grinds his fingers against Dean’s prostate. “HAH! What you’re doing…” Dean squeaks. 

“I know what I’m doing?” Cas questions. “As in I’m doing this well?’ Cas asks. 

Dean opens his mouth to say something but no words come out. He bites his lip and nods. 

“Good!” Cas cheers, “I am glad you think so!” Cas keeps finger ruthlessly. If this is how Cas fingers himself, Cas is stronger than Dean is, that’s for sure. Dean is dangerously close.

“Oh,” Dean whines. His dick is dripping little beads of precome. “Cas- Wait!” Dean shouts. 

Cas stops and pulls his finger out of Dean. “Is everything alright?” Cas asks confused. 

“Yeah,” Dean pants. He swallows hard, “I just got close and- And I want to last a little bit… Longer.”

“Oh,” Cas nods, staring at him. 

“It’s your turn now, so sit back there,” Dean gestures with his head towards the spot Cas always sits. 

Cas moves and sits back, “I am excited to feel how much more intensity you can add to our masturbating sessions with this, Dean,” Cas smiles. He looks at the TV and sees that the two men have started having all-out sex.

“Yeah,” Dean pants and gets between Cas’s legs. “You want oral, Cas?” Dean raises an eyebrow. 

“What?” Cas chokes. 

“You want me to suck your dick?” Dean asks again. 

Dean will totally do that. He actually really wants to do that. It might be a little hard because Cas’s dick is pretty big… And Dean’s never sucked anyone’s dick before but Dean will sure try. He  _ really _ wants to do this for Cas. 

“Uhm,” Cas swallows. “That is not masturbating though,” Cas says.

“It stops being masturbating when you add a second person though.”

“Can we be best friends and still do this?” Cas asks.

“I think so!” Dean nods. 

“Uhm,” Cas nods slowly and gulps. “Alright then, I suppose that would be fine…”

Sweet. 

Dean lays down with his head between Cas’s legs. He jerks Cas off for a second, making sure he’s still all the way hard, then he licks the head of Cas’s dick. Cas yelps. “You okay?” Dean worries. 

“Yes,” Cas nods. 

“Okay,” Dean smiles then wraps an arm around Cas’s thigh. “Here we go,” Dean says, going down on Cas. 

“Hah! Dean…” Cas shouts. “This feels very pleasant, oh!” Cas whines. 

Dean sucks as hard as he can but he doesn’t go down that far. He really has a bad gag reflex and he’d rather not embarrassingly choke on Cas’s dick.

“Oh,” Cas groans again. 

Dean glances at Cas and can see that Cas is watching him and not the TV. It’s starting to seem like no one even cares about the porn. Not that you exactly  _ need porn _ to masturbate. Not that they are even masturbating right now.

Cas puts both hands into Dean’s hair. He is not pulling, he’s just fluffing it up, really. But Dean thinks it’s hot. 

“Ugh, Dean, let’s-” Cas breaks. Dean comes off of Cas and has to wipe his mouth of slobber. “Let’s do-” 

Cas quickly lunges at Dean, pushing him to his back so he lays under Cas. It all happens so fast. And it’s hot as fuck. Why did Cas do that? Dean doesn’t even care why but he liked it a lot. This is the kind of top energy he was talking about. 

Cas has him pinned down by his shoulders as he hovers above him. “Tell me where you keep your sex toy” He demands. “It’s your turn to use it,” Cas recounts.

Dean replies immediately. “Box of porn,” Cas knows where that is. “Under the magazines.”

“Don’t move,” Cas smiles and climbs off the bed. 

A few seconds later, Cas has the vibrator in his hand. He crawls on the bed and finds the lube again and starts putting it on the vibrator. Cas opens Dean’s legs wider and turns the vibrator on. 

Dean moans as Cas slides it slowly into him. “Ugh, Cas,” He groans. 

Cas smiles and reaches for Dean’s nipples. One for each hand. “They look a little swollen to me,” Cas explains. 

Dean deliberately wraps his legs around Cas’s waist, shoving Cas into him. Cas seems a little discombobulated at first until Dean reaches for his dick. Dean wiggles around a little bit until their cocks line up so Dean can start jacking them off together. 

Cas moans right away. 

Dean is honestly a little worried that Sam and Jack are awake.

Does he even care? 

Not really.

On a side note, it’s excruciatingly obvious the size difference between their dicks. Dean would be self-conscious about it, but he can’t find the concentration for that

He’s jacking him and Cas off  _ together. _ His dick and Cas’s dick are pressed  _ together. _ He and Cas are practically having sex  _ together. _ He’d never thought anything like this could happen. If Dean was told a week and a half ago that this was his future he would have probably fought them. 

But here he is.

And Cas is into it. 

Dean gazes up at Cas. He makes the most beautiful faces. And the most beautiful sounds. 

It’s hard for Dean to keep doing this. Between Cas and the vibrator Cas put in him, he’s finding it  _ real _ hard to focus. 

“This feels very good,” Cas pants. “And it feels warm and good and pleasant,” Cas says. Cas leans forward above Dean, holding himself up with his arms. He opens his eyes and can see Dean gazing at him from  _ not that far away. _

Cas smiles. Dean bites his lip. They are so close together. This is so intimate. Dean has never felt anything like this. 

Cas lets out a moan and one arm falls to his elbow. 

Cas’s face is  _ inches _ away from Dean.  _ Inches. _

And they are both panting. Breathing heavily. It’s practically the same air. Dean wants to be closer to Cas. He wants to just- Just close the gap. 

Dean tilts his head back and comes without warning. Cas, noticing, shakily takes the vibrator out of Dean, turning it off and putting it on the bed before returning his hand to its position of holding him up. 

Dean is panting still. He opens his eyes and sees Cas who is staring at him. 

His eyes are so fucking beautiful. So deep. And so blue. Dean can’t look away. 

He puts a hand up around Cas and holds onto him by his shoulder. He continues to jack just Cas off. 

Cas’s eyes roll back a bit then he closes them.

He’s making all kinds of noises and it's mesmerizing. 

“Dean,” Cas grunts. “Sam just woke up,” He forces out.

“It’s okay,,” Dean nods, “It’s okay, you can finish… There’s time…” 

Dean actually doesn’t know if there’s time. He just hopes. 

“Okay,” Cas nods. “Okay. Okay, okay.”

Cas looks back into Dean’s eyes.

Dean and Cas stare at each other all the time. It’s not new. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable but right now it just feels really intimate.

“Dean,” Cas groans.

Dean bites his lip. Fuck he’s beautiful. Dean debates for a second.

Then goes for it. 

Dean leans forward and meets Cas’s lips with his own. For one… 

Beautiful.

Second. 

Then everything is less beautiful. 

Cas jerks away, sitting up. His face looks so mad… And kind of hurt. “Dean!” Cas says and it sounds like he’s scolding Dean. 

Dean stares. Frozen and horrified. 

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes. 
> 
> Comment! 😬😬


	9. Fuck Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Dean about to overreact? A little bit. Maybe.

Dean grabs the blanket that’s on the bed and haphazardly starts wiping the come off of himself. “Fuck.” He quickly stands up and grabs sweatpants, yanking them on. He’s trying to be fast, he doesn’t need underwear. “Fuck!” He takes off his shirt very fast and grabs a clean one. Cas is panting, still kneeling on the bed, but not looking at Dean. Dean, still record fast, he’s practically running around, grabs his shoes. “Fuck.”

“Dean, where are you going?” Cas asks. 

Dean starts to walk out of the door while pulling his shirt on. 

“Dean,” Cas’s voice breaks, “This is your room!”

His door slams. He didn’t mean to slam the door, it just happened. 

Cas was right, it is his room. So where is he going? He doesn’t really know what to do. 

Water.

Kitchen. 

He wants water so he’s going to the kitchen. 

Dean walks in, still breathing hard. “Woah, Dean,” Sam laughs. Sam’s in the kitchen, “Your hair! It’s all-” Sam stops. “Are you okay?” 

Dean looks at Sam then looks away. “Yeah.” He grabs a glass and starts filling it with water. “I’m fine,” Dean says. His heart is still pounding. 

“You don’t look fine.”

Dean starts pulling his shoes on, quickly. “Thanks.”

“Did something happen?” Sam is legitimately concerned. 

“I’m gonna go for a drive,” Dean says, shocking Sam and himself. Apparently, he wants to go for a drive.

“O-okay,” Sam nods.

Dean chugs the glass of water then walks out of the kitchen. 

“Be careful!” Sam shouts at him. 

Dean is obviously upset, Sam can see that. 

Dean walks quickly to his car and starts it. Is he running away from Cas right now? No. That’s not what this is. That’s definitely not what this is. He starts driving away. 

He’s fine. He just needs to calm down. And get his heart beating normally again.

On a separate note, he's shocked and  _ glad  _ that Cas didn’t catch him before he left. 

Fuck. Fucking Cas!  _ Fuck _ Cas! 

Fuck fucking Cas and fuck Dean’s fucking feelings for him! Dean is an idiot. What was he thinking? How did he ruin that? It was the most perfect setup he could ask for and he  _ ruined _ it. Dean is such an  _ idiot! _

Ugh! It’s not his fault he’s in love with stupid Cas! And masturbating was Cas’s idea! Everything was Cas’s idea. 

Damnit! Why did Dean try to kiss him?! His face looked so upset afterward! Dean shouldn’t have done that. Of all the stupid fucking things to do-  _ Fuck. _ It’s never gonna be the same. Dean should have just left well enough alone. Now, who knows what’s gonna happen with him and Cas. 

Stupid Cas.

Stupid Cas.

Stupid Cas rejecting him. He’s so fucking embarrassed. He shouldn't have tried to kiss him. What is he gonna do now?

His phone starts ringing so he checks who it is. It’s Cas. He ignores it.

No. Dean is not gonna cry. Crying is stupid, and he doesn’t cry. 

What if he loses Cas again?

Fuck! 

Stupid Dean! He knew this would happen so why did he do it? Fuck. 

Okay, maybe crying is okay just this one time. 

But he shouldn’t cry and drive. Technically, he shouldn’t even be driving r _ ight now! _ Dean pulls over the next spot he sees to safely do that. He puts the car in park. And starts crying harder. Actual tears are rolling down his face now. Which again,  _ super _ embarrassing. 

His phone starts ringing again and it’s still Cas. Dean ignores it. 

How could Dean think that was gonna work? What was supposed to happen? 

Was Cas just gonna be kinda shocked but then lean into it? Were they supposed to start making out? Then actually start fucking? Then what? Were they supposed to just be dating or something? Just like that? No. 

Dean is a fool. 

Dean leans over and lays against the seat. What the fuck does he do now?

His phone rings again. A small glance lets him know that it’s Cas. Dean ignores it again. 

Dean’s chest hurt so bad. 

Worst morning ever. Nothing could make it worse. 

Dean loves Cas, but Cas doesn’t love him. How could he? 

Dean curls up a little and pushes his face into the seat a little more. Dean takes a few deep breaths and wipes his tears away. It feels stupid to cry over this anyway. 

Dean is comforted by the thought that  _ eventually, _ he won’t feel this way.  _ Eventually, _ he’ll be fine. 

Dean closes his eyes. 

Why did he try to kiss Cas? 

He  _ knew _ this would happen. 

Dean’s phone chimes. It’s not a call this time, it’s a text. Dean rolls his eyes and checks it. It’s Sam. 

“You okay? Cas is trying to call you.” Next text. “Cas is freaking out about something but he won’t tell me and it’s incomprehensible.” Next text. “I’ve never seen Cas this freaked out, dude. Are you okay?” Next text. “He asked me where you went and I said on a drive.”

Great. Cas is freaking out.  _ Great. _

“I’m okay.” Dean texts back. Then he drops his phone to the floor of the backseat.

He just lays there, in his car, parked off the road a bit, under a tree. 

If Dean could just turn his brain off, that'd be great. 

Sadly, no luck. After about thirty minutes of him sitting there, he sits up. Cas should be out of his room by now, right? He starts driving back to the bunker. Maybe he can sneak in through the garage or something. And get to his room. So he can die there peacefully in his sleep. Ugh, he’s not that lucky. 

He knows he’s gonna have to face Cas. Maybe he can ask Cas and they can pretend like it never happened. Maybe he can play it off like a habitual accident. Yes, blame the moment. That might work. 

Except it won’t. Maybe if Dean had done that right away it would have worked. It’s been too long now. 

Dean gets to the bunker and lazily walks inside. He’s happy to see no one in the first room. Maybe if he’s lucky, he won’t see anyone in  _ any _ of the rooms he has to walk through to get to his. And if it has to be someone, please don’t let it be Cas. Dean takes a deep breath. Okay. He’s going. 

He makes it clear to his room before he sees anyone. As Dean steps up to his door he hears his name. “Dean!” It’s Cas, he just came around the corner. Dean glances at him, ignoring him, and walks inside, shutting and locking the door behind him. 

Fuck. 

Dean lays on his bed. It looks like Cas cleaned up in here. He even made the bed. 

There’s a faint knock and then a small voice. “Dean?” Then there’s a huge pause. “Are you okay?” 

“Leave me alone, I’m okay.” Dean grunts.

“Dean-”

“Go away, Cas,” Dean half yells half sobs. 

There's a pause. “No.”

Cas is so fucking stubborn. 

“Please let me in,” His voice is quiet again. “I want to talk.”

“No,” Dean grunts. “I said go away.”

“And I said  _ no.” _ Cas states.

“Fuck. Off.”

“Dean,” Cas says softly. “I’m not going away.”

“Suit yourself,” Dean grouches. 

He’s not letting Cas in. Cas can just stand outside his door, Dean doesn’t care. 

Maybe Dean should take a nap. Maybe it’s too early in the morning for a nap, but he wants to. Sleeping is like… Pausing. Pressing pause. Dean doesn’t have to feel like shit like he does right now if he goes to sleep. 

He closes his eyes. 

Come on stupid brain. If there was ever a time to fall asleep on command, now is it.

Dean wakes up three hours later. 

Which is a damn long time to nap after waking up less than a few hours ago. 

He’s all groggy. And he’s hungry. He hasn’t eaten all day and it’s almost 1. He doesn’t really want to though. Not right now.  _ But,  _ he  _ does _ have to pee. And that can’t wait. 

He gets up, pissed off at his stupid bodily functions. Peeing is so inconvenient, damn. He grumbles a little as he walks to the door. 

“Dean!” Cas says excitedly. He is sitting against the wall, facing Dean’s door. He literally did  _ not _ go away. He actually waited outside Dean’s door this whole time. 

Dean ignores him and walks past him and towards the bathroom. If he looks at Cas directly he may cry. And he doesn’t want to do that. Crying is stupid. 

After Dean uses the bathroom he contemplates taking a shower. Cas is probably waiting outside the bathroom. Showering is probably not a bad idea. Dean checks for a towel under the sink then turns the water on. 

He’s gonna take a  _ cold-ass shower. _ Then he’s gonna feel better. And he’s gonna be all clean. Then he’s gonna eat. Then he’s gonna tell Cas to fuck off and he’s gonna live his life. Great plan. 

Dean gets in the shower. 

Okay, maybe don’t tell Cas to fuck off. What if Cas actually fucks off? Then is he just gone? 

The truth is that Dean loves him and he can’t turn it off and if Cas actually left he would be inconsolable. Maybe he’ll just ask Cas to forget any of this ever happened and they can go back to normal. Before Cas stole Dean’s porn, before Dean taught Cas how to masturbate, before Cas thought he was sexy, before all the touching and fondling and dick-sucking, and before Dean kissed him. 

Back to normal when Dean would stay up all night pining for Cas. When they were just  _ friends. _

Dean’s shower is long but satisfying. He was supposed to feel better after, that was the plan. So he stayed in there until he felt better. That was the goal. But he doesn’t feel any better. And he’s been in there too long to stay in there any longer. 

He puts his clothes back on. He just put them on this morning, so they are relatively clean still. It’s fine. He still hasn't grabbed underwear, but that's okay too. 

He opens the door and is surprised that Cas’s isn’t there. He walks back to his room and Cas is  _ also _ not there. Fucking finally. 

Dean walks into his room. 

A few minutes go by and then there’s another knock. “Dean,” It’s Cas again, “Sam made you lunch if you want it.”

Dean contemplates for a moment before he answers. He does want it. He’s starving. “I want it,” Dean says plainly. 

“I have it,” Cas says, “You just have to come to the door.”

Dean doesn’t move. There’s a pause again. “Cas, I can’t…” Dean swallows. “I can’t look at you right now… Or I’ll-”

“I understand,” Cas says. “Just… Look down at the floor and I’ll hand it to you.”

That’s dumb. And dorky. And stupid. But, it’s a solution. Dean feels silly about it, but he does it anyway. He doesn’t look at the floor, he just doesn’t look at Cas. Cas hands him a plate of food and a glass of water. 

Dean sits on his bed. “Thank you,” He grumbles. 

“Sam made it,” Cas says from the other side of the locked door. 

“Well, thank you for bringing it.”

“It was no problem.”

There's another pause. “So you’re really just gonna sit out there?”

“Yes,” Cas says plainly. “Until you let me back into your room.”

Dean doesn’t say anything. 

“Can I ask you a question, Dean?” Cas asks and he sounds worried.

“No,” Dean grumbles. “We aren’t talking.”

“We are talking…” Cas says confused. 

“Not really. We aren’t talking. And we’re done now, so…” Dean swallows. 

Is he acting like a child? Maybe. A little bit… 

But Cas wants to talk about what happened and Dean doesn't. Not right now. 

He’s been racking his brain and he really can’t come up with a good explanation for what happened. He can’t lie. Even if he asks Cas to forget and act like it never happened, he knows Cas won’t forget. And it  _ did _ happen. So it’s impossible to act like it didn’t. But he also can’t tell the truth. He can’t confess his love for Cas then get rejected. He can’t. He won’t. 

He already got rejected once and that is far too many times and the day isn’t even over yet. 

Some time goes by. All Dean is doing is just lying quietly in his bed. 

Trying to feel better. 

He’s just… Really achy. And upset. And hopeless. 

But it’s worse than before because it’s not just a thought. He isn’t just assuming Cas would reject him. 

Cas actually did. It’s real. 

“I came to sit with you for a little bit,” Dean hears a faint voice and he thinks it’s Jack. “So you have some company.”

“Hello, Jack,” Cas replies faintly. 

“You are waiting for Dean?” Jack asks. 

“Yes.”

“He’s been in his room all day…” 

“Yes, he has.”

“Maybe he’s having a bad day!” Jack suggests. “Maybe he will be better tomorrow!”   
There is a long pause.    
“Maybe.”

Dean hears them occasionally chatting outside his door. Sometimes he can’t make out the words, but they are definitely out there. 

It’s surprisingly nice to hear Cas’s voice. It’s soothing. And him talking to Jack seems so normal. It’s refreshing. Like for a moment, Cas was just Cas. And Dean likes Cas. A lot. 

Eventually, Dean hears shuffling. “Good luck,” Jack says to Cas. 

“Bye, Jack.”

Dean takes a deep breath. It was actually nice knowing that Cas wasn’t sitting alone out there. But now he’s alone again. And that sucks. 

Dean shakes his head and reminds himself that Cas can leave. Anytime he wants. Cas can get up, and walk away. And then he won’t be lonely. 

Not too long after Jack leaves, Dean hears Sam’s voice. 

“He’s still in there?”   
“Yes.”

“Is he upset?” Dean can hardly hear that part because Sam whispered it. 

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“I…” Cas pauses, “I don’t think he would want me to share that information.”

Thank you, Cas, for not exposing Dean to Sam. 

“Oh…” Sam sounds confused. “Okay…” There’s a pause. “Are  _ you _ okay, Cas?”

Cas doesn’t answer. For a while. “He won’t…” Cas’s voice breaks, “Talk to me…”

Another pause. “I’m sorry Cas… That sucks.” 

“What are you doing?”

“Hugging you?” 

“This feels like an awkward hug.”

“Yeah because you’re sitting and I’m standing-”

“I appreciate the gesture, please stand up.”

Dean chuckles. 

“Okay,” Sam laughs. “You’re right, that was weird…. Well… If he ignores you for too long, let me know. We’ll break down his door and I’ll personally beat him up for you.”

Cas chuckles. “Thank you, Sam.”

“No problem.”

“I think he can hear us though…”

“Good. So he knows what will happen.”

Cas chuckles again, “Thank you, Sam.” 

Dean hears Sam’s loud footsteps as he walks away. 

Maybe Dean should just talk to Cas. Get this over with. He can’t hide in here forever. 

Dean remembers Cas’s voice and how sad he sounded that Dean was ignoring him.

Dean gets up and sits against the door. “Cas?” He says cautiously. 

“Dean?” Cas says surprised. Dean hears shuffling then feels the door move so he assumes Cas just moved to it. 

“You said you…” Dean swallows. “Wanted to ask me a question-”

“Do you hate me?”   
“What?”

“I’m sorry,” Cas says quickly. “That was too extreme, I’m sorry.” Cas pauses. “I’m just scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“I’m scared that you… I’m scared that our relationship… I’m just scared.”

Yeah. Dean’s scared too. 

“Please let me in…” Cas’s voice sounds small. 

“Cas,” Dean’s voice breaks. “I can’t-”

“Look at me, I know,” Cas sniffs. 

“I’m sorry…” Dean says quietly. 

“Please…” Cas says just as quietly and just as broken. 

“Cas-”

“Dean, I care about you so much, please…” Cas’s voice cracks. “I’m not going to hurt you just-” Cas pauses. “Please.”

How can Cas promise that? He can’t. 

Dean feels like he is starting to cry again. He forces that away the best he can. “Okay…” He says softly. 

“Okay?” Cas asks excitedly. 

Dean stands up and opens the door. Cas has already stood back up. As soon as Dean opens the door Cas throws his body at Dean into one of the most abrasive hugs of Dean’s life. 

“I’m sorry, Dean.” Cas whispers. “I don’t want you to be upset anymore.” Cas lets him go. 

Dean closes his door again. “What do you mean?” He asks, looking away from Cas. 

Cas tilts his head. He looks really upset himself if Dean looks. “I only want you to feel good…” Cas closes his eyes. 

“Cas…” Dean breaks. 

“Dean… Why did you kiss me?” Cas asks. Straight up. His voice is wrecked. 

“Why did you…” Dean swallows and tears fill his eyes. “Why did you pull away?”

“Dean,” Cas looks sadly at Dean. “It’s all my fault. I confused you. I knew we shouldn’t have been doing what we were doing but I didn’t stop it. I was being selfish and I’m sorry. I confused you and I’m sorry!” Cas has tears in his eyes. “I took advantage of you…” Cas looks down and away, “I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if you can’t.”

“What are you saying?” Dean asks, “I don’t understand.”

“Dean,” Cas’s voice cracks. “You love women.”

“I love  _ you!” _ Dean shouts. “I love  _ you, _ Cas.”

“What?” Tears start rolling down Cas’s face. “No… You can’t.”

“I do,” Dean says again. 

“No,” Cas cries, “You are confused because we started having physical relations, it’s my fault-”

“I’m not confused, Cas.”

“You are-” Cas sobs. 

“I’m not!” Dean closes his eyes and swallows. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

“How can you love me?” Cas continues to cry. “You’re Dean Winchester! You save people and help people and  _ change _ things! And I’m just a sorry excuse for an angel. I’m just- I’m just-”

“Awesome?” Dean answers. Tears start coming down his face now too. “Amazing? Strong? Caring? Beautiful?”

“What?” Cas sniffs. 

“Cas,” Dean breaks. “I wanna be close to you… All the time. And I wanna lay down together… And talk to you… Because you’re amazing…” Dean closes his eyes because he can’t watch Cas stare at him. “And I want to hold you. And I want you to hold me. And we can… Snuggle together… And be together… And I wanna hold your hand. And feel how warm you are. And- And- I wanna take you on dates. And spend every moment together…” He finally looks at Cas. Cas still has tears falling down his face but it looks like he's trying to smile. “And I wanna take showers together. And I wanna take your close off. And I want us to watch porn together…” Cas kind of chuckles. “And I want- I want to make you feel so good. I wanna suck your dick and I wanna finger you. I wanna show you all the best moves then I want you to  _ fuck  _ me. I want you to feel everything that’s good. I want you to fill me up. Want you to come inside of me. Wanna take care of you. Wanna do all kinds of things to you. Dirty things.  _ Filthy things. _ Wanna hear your moans. Wanna see your face. Wanna use all kinds of sex toys on you… Wanna hear you scream…  _ In a good way.”  _ Cas laughs again and it makes Dean smile. And I wanna kiss you. So much. I want us to be together and I wanna kiss you all the time.” Cas smiles at Dean so Dean smiles back. “Because  _ I love you. _ And I’m not confused.”   
Cas looks away, “Are you sure?”

Is he sure? Is Cas seriously asking if Dean is sure?

“I’ve never been more sure.”

“Dean,” Cas sniffs. “I’ve loved you… For  _ so long. _ For  _ years. _ I never thought-” Cas swallows. “I never knew-” Cas slams his lips into Dean’s lips and suddenly they’re kissing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean obviously gained a bit of confidence when he realized Cas was into it... He definitely wants to do some FILTHY things.


	10. Heh... Oh, Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! I hope all this was worth it! Thank y'all for reading!!!!

A lot. They kiss for a while. Hands roaming, pulling each other ever closer, feeling all around. “Cas,” Dean groans, pulling away slightly. Cas pushes back into Dean. “Cas, you-” Dean turns so Cas  _ has _ to stop. “You love me?”

Cas tilts his head, staring into Dean’s eyes. “How could you not know?” Cas mumbles.

“Cas…” Dean crashes their lips back together. 

They kiss vigorously, stumbling around a bit until they find the bed. The bed hits the back of Cas’s legs so he sits down. A few moments later, Dean is straddling his laps and kissing him so deeply. 

“Dean,” Cas pants, “I am very aroused.” He swallows. “And very erect…”

“You wanna do something about that, Cas?” Dean raises his eyebrows. 

“Is what you said true? Do you want me to ‘fuck you?’” Cas says so sincerely. 

Dean is panting too. With a very small voice he breathes out, “Can you?”

It happens so fast. Cas holds onto Dean and flips them over so Cas is above him. They start kissing again. Dean is shocked and delighted that Cas did that. Maybe he’ll be rough… 

Cas starts stipping Dean of his clothes, pulling his shirt off over his head, yanking so aggressively at his pants. Suddenly Dean’s dick is out. He never put on underwear, and that’s starting to seem like a very good decision right about now. Cas freezes, just staring. Dean gulps. Cas is starring so hungrily at his dick it’s almost frightening. 

Cas quickly takes Dean into his mouth. Dean wasn’t expecting that at all, really. “Cas!” Dean screams. His mouth is so warm and his tongue is so soft. “Ohh…  _ fuck!” _ Dean starts grabbing at anything he can. Eventually, he settles for one hand in Cas’s hair and the other grabbing tightly to the sheets by his head. 

Cas laps around the head of Dean’s cock which is so sensitive it feels like fire. Dean is just moaning and leaning into it as Cas goes down on him farther. 

Dean has no idea how Cas is doing this… He goes all the way down and is still managing to suck pretty hard. It’s like nothing Dean’s ever felt. 

Dean’s thrashing and cursing and “Oh,  _ fuck, _ Cas!” He pants. “Cas- wait!” 

Cas pulls off. There's a beautiful, thin line of spit connecting his mouth to Dean’s dick when he does. “Is something wrong?” Cas asks. 

Dean is still panting, “If you wanna fuck…” Dean pants, “Then I can’t come right now… From this…” Dean closes his eyes. 

“Oh, yes,” Cas nods, “I understand.” Cas climbs off the bed, leaving Dean there alone. 

“Where are you going?” Dean asks, worried. 

“Just to get lube,” Cas assures. He starts taking all his clothes off. Cas eventually gets the lube from Dean’s drawer then gets back on the bed. “My penis is already dripping out ejaculate…” Cas swallows. 

Dean nods, “Good… That’s good…” He pants. He’s glad Cas gave him a break but now it’s been entirely too long since Cas has touched him. 

Dean swallows and watches Cas move. He starts jacking off, slowly… Kneeling above Dean. He closes his eyes and hums. “This is very soothing,” He tells Dean. “My erection was pressed quite uncomfortably inside my pants a moment ago.” Cas opens his eyes back and reaches for one of Dean’s nipples. He pinches it gently and tweaks it. Dean groans. “I do find you to be very…” Cas pauses. “‘Sexy.’”

“Ugh, Cas,” Dean groans. “You’re sexy… So sexy…” Dean pants. “Do you wanna… Finger me now? Please?” Dean asks. 

Cas doesn’t move away from Dean’s nipples. “But I find it very arousing when you are forced to wait.”

Dean’s eyes widen and he swallows hard. “What?” 

“If you would like me to start right now, I wouldn’t mind if you begged me for it…” Cas says this so straight-faced, Dean knows he’s not joking. 

“You- You want me to beg?” 

“Only if you want me to start fingering you… That way I can be inside of you like you want… I believe you said ‘fill you up.’”

“Oh,  _ fuck.” _ Dean is so excited. He doesn’t know where this came from but he thinks he likes it. Okay. Now he just has to beg. And sound desperate. That should be easy, he  _ is _ desperate.

“Would you like me to fill you up, Dean?” Cas grins. 

“Yes! Please!”

“Please what?”

What the fuck is happening, is this real?

“Please fill me up! Please finger me open then fuck the  _ hell _ outta me, please! Cas! Please!”

“Do you want me to start right now?” Cas asks. 

“Yes!” Dean pants. Dean reaches down to grab his own dick when Cas’s hand wraps around his wrist, stopping him. 

“Only  _ I _ am going to pleasure you, Dean. Don’t be disrespectful,” He glares at him. 

“Sorry…” Dean squeaks out. 

What the literal  _ fuck _ is happening right now? Is Cas dominating him? 

“You’re sorry?” Cas checks. 

“Yes,” Dean nods. 

“Beg more.”

“Please, Cas… I need you inside of me so bad. I’ve waited for too long and I need you, please!” Dean swallows, gazing at Cas still. “Please Cas… Make me feel good…” 

“Feel good?”

“So good, Cas… Yes. Please.”

Cas shoves two lubed up fingers roughly into Dean’s ass. Dean groans loud at how sudden it is. Cas is no longer jacking himself off, he’s just focusing on Dean. He’s got one hand spread out warm over Dean’s inner thigh and the other one is working fingers ruthlessly and unapologetically into Dean. 

“Cas! Hah!” Dean moans. 

“I like hearing you say my name,” Cas smiles genuinely. “It sounds really pleasant the way you moan it out.”

Fuck.  _ Fuck. _ Cas is hot. Where did all this come from? Holy fucking hell. 

“Are you ready?” Cas asks, removing three fingers from Dean’s hole. 

“Mm-hmm,” Dean nods quickly.

Cas moves between Dean’s legs and gets lined up. 

Of course Dean is excited, he’s  _ been _ really excited. But, he’s really excited that they are about to do missionary because Dean’s favorite position is missionary and Dean feels so lucky and-

“Fuuuuuuck,” Dean groans loud and long. 

“Hah, Dean,” Cas says, “You are so warm and-”

“Tight?” Dean whines. Because yeah, he’s fucking tight, 

“Yes,” Cas groans.

“Hah,” Dean pants, “Okay, start moving now…” Dean asks. 

“Okay,” Cas grunts. He starts off slowly. His movements are so distinct and purposeful. 

It’s overwhelming. It’s awesome. It’s everything. “Cas,” Dean grunts. 

Cas speeds up a little. “Mmm,” Cas grinds into him again. 

“Ugh! Cas,” Dean closes his eyes tightly. “This is awesome,” Dean pants. 

Cas smiles. “You know Dean…” He grunts, “I didn’t get to ejaculate this morning… Only you did.” 

“Yeah,” Dean nods. 

“I want to so badly, Dean,” Cas whines. 

Cas reaches for Dean’s dick and starts jacking him off as he drives his hips into him. Cas does this a little bit rocky but Dean likes it. Loves it. It’s a lot of stimulation. “Gah…” Dean groans. 

Cas continues on like this for a while until Dean feels close to the edge. He warns Cas the best he can but he’s falling apart. “I’m gonna-” Dean groans again. 

“You are going to climax?” Cas asks. Dean nods vigorously. “Okay,” Cas takes his hand off of Dean’s cock to lean down and start kissing him. It hard to do while still fucking him, but they make it work. Soon, Dean comes, very loudly. 

Not too long after that, Cas comes with a groan. He pulls slowly out of Dean and lays down next to him on the bed. Quietly. They are both still panting. 

Once they catch their breath, Dean opens his mouth to speak. “Cas-”

But Cas crashes their lips together again after rolling fully on top of Dean. 

If Dean should have known anything, it should be how much Cas likes kissing. And he’s surprisingly good at it. 

“Cas,” Dean breaths, “Where did you learn how to do that?”

Cas gets off of Dean and cleans them both up. “I learned about kissing from porn,” Cas nods. 

Dean chuckles, “No, I mean-”

“The intercourse? I also learned that from porn. I’m very observant,” Cas nods. 

“Yeah, you are,” Dean laughs. A few seconds go by, “Cas, we didn’t watch any porn like that.”

“Yes we did,” Cas argues. “It was the third video we watched,” Cas recalls.

“They never did anything like what you did,” Dean says. 

“What are you talking about? They fornicated!”   
“I’m talking about the begging thing… Where did you learn that?”   
“Oh,” Cas grins. “I thought I would enjoy hearing you do that and I was right.”

Dean giggles, “So you just… You just thought it would be nice?”

“Yes. And it was. I was very aroused.”

“Good,” Dean chuckles some more.

“Dean,” Cas says softly. He moves a little bit and puts his arms around Dean’s body. Dean is frozen. He never thought this would be real. “Do you truly wish to date me? Or would you just like to have sex?...” 

Dean looks at Cas, shocked. He wraps around Cas now. Arms around him, legs clung to his sides. He snuggles really close. “I wanna date the fuck out of you, Cas. I already told you.”

“Okay…” Cas grins. “What does ‘date the fuck out’ of someone mean?” 

Dean laughs “It means I don’t wanna talk about my feelings but I want us to be together.”

“Romantically?” Cas checks. 

“Yes, romantically.” Dean nods. 

“Are you going to tell Sam?” Cas asks. 

“I think he already knows. He definitely heard us.”

“No,” Cas shakes his head. “He talked to me before you let me in… He and Jack went to the department store to pick up a few things.”

“No shit?” Dean chuckles.

“It’s the truth,” Cas smiles. 

“Well… I guess I’ll tell him then.”

“Okay,” Cas smiles. 

“He’s gonna be so happy to find out I’m dating someone…” 

“He will?”   
“Yes because that means he’s right.”

“Oh,” Cas nods. “If it’s alright with you, may I be the one to tell him?”

“You want to?” Dean asks, shocked.

“Yes.”

“Uhm,” Dean starts laughing. It might actually be pretty funny. Okay, he definitely wants to see that. “Yes! You can! Can I be there when you tell him?” Dean continues laughing.

“I don’t see why not.”

“Why do you want to tell him?”

“Because Sam is my friend and this is big news… I think.”

“Okay,” Dean smiles. He doesn’t know why he limited Sam to just being his brother… Of course he’s Cas’s friend. So it makes sense that Cas would want to tell him. 

“Can you tell him today?”   
“Yes, if you would like me to.” Cas nods.

“Awesome.” Dean wants this to be so funny and he’s gonna be bummed if it’s not.

“And Dean?”   
“Yes?”

“You were wrong about the size of your penis,” Cas starts, Dean’s eyes widen. “It is not small-”

“I never said it was small.”

“You said it was less than average. I looked up what average was and you are slightly, barely above average.”

“You looked it up?” Dean laughs. 

“Yes. I became curious.”

“What the fuck, Cas!” Dean laughs some more. 

“I wanted to know!” Cas giggles. 

“You dork.”

There is a long pause. They are just laying in Dean’s bed. Quietly. Holding each other. It’s a dream, it has to be. Dean doesn’t get what he wants, that’s not how it works. 

It’s real though. 

Cas loves him. 

“Cas,” Dean swallows, “Can you kiss me some more? We’re both very good at it and it would be a shame if we didn’t put our gifts to use.”

“I suppose you are right,” Cas smiles then starts kissing Dean again. 

Later, Dean and Cas are up and around again. When Sam and Jack get back, they are both happy to see that Dean is out of his room. 

Cas doesn’t say anything right away. Dean is just waiting and anticipating. 

Honestly, Dean was a little worried to tell Sam. Why? He doesn’t know. Sam wouldn’t care if he dated… Cas. He just can’t help but worry a little bit. What if Sam is fine with the fact that he’s a dude but thinks it’s a bad idea because it’s Cas or something? 

He won’t. 

Dean knows Sam won’t. 

Sam is gonna be extremely supportive to a point where it’s awkward, Dean knows it. 

Anyway, so when Cas offered to tell Sam, Dean was of course gonna say yes. 

And, Cas is so blunt and forward… The way he talks is so odd and peculiar Dean  _ knows _ it’s gonna be funny. It has to be. 

It has to be funny. 

There’s no way Cas tells Sam in a normal way. There’s no way! 

Finally, it gets to a point where Dean thinks Cas is gonna tell him. 

Cas chose an odd time to say something, but that makes it all more interesting.

When Dean makes dinner, Sam will stay in the kitchen and keep him company. He doesn’t  _ know _ he does it, it just became a habit. 

So Dean is making dinner, Sam is sitting at the table. Sam looks super invested in whatever he’s doing on his laptop. When Sam gets like that, really deep into it, it’s hard to pull him away.  _ Really hard. _ Dean could walk by him naked and he probably wouldn’t notice.

So that’s why Dean thinks Cas picked an odd time. Cas is sitting across from Sam. 

“Hey, Sam?” Cas says. That's when Dean realized Cas is about to tell him. Dean makes an odd face but listens quietly. 

“Yeah?” Sam answers, not looking away from his screen. 

“Your brother and I are having sex.” Woah, okay. Full sending it. “And I think we are dating now.”

“That’s great, Cas,” Sam says, not reacting. 

Dean turns around a little to glance at the situation. Sam is zombified. He’s definitely not listening. Dean turns back and continues cooking. 

“He said he loves me… And I also love him, so it worked out…” Cas keeps going. Dean smiles to himself. He doesn’t think Cas actually straight up said that earlier. It’s nice to hear. 

Sam nods, “Nice…”

Cas tilts his head. He knows now that Sam is clearly not listening. “Yes… It is nice.” Cas smirks for a second. “Dean taught me about sex through a series of pornographic videos and hands-on teaching that has been happening for the past week and a half.”

Okay, now Dean doesn't know what Cas is doing. Sam definitely doesn’t need to know about all that. 

“Yeah?” Sam says, still staring, still not paying any attention. 

“Yes,” Cas smiles. “We had sex while you were at the store. I put my penis into Dean’s butt… He seemed to like it very much.” Dean turns around and squints at Cas. Why is he saying all of this? He looks at Cas’s devious grin and figures out he’s doing it to mess with Sam for not listening. Dean is sorta uncomfortable that Cas is exposing such embarrassing details but he lets the scene play out for the time being. “Dean makes the most beautiful face when he ejaculates…”

“Oh, tell me about it,” Sam replies. 

Okay, Dean  _ knows _ Sam didn’t know what he just said, but it was still weird for Dean. 

“He’s  _ sexy, _ don’t you think so?”

“Yeah,” Sam nods. 

“I am very horny and am very aroused by Dean. We are going to fornicate very frequently, Dean doesn’t know that yet…” Dean smiles. Cas is such a dork. 

“Cool…”

“You can join too… Would you like that?” Cas squints angrily at Sam. Obviously is a  _ fake _ offer but it still makes Dean squirm uncontrollably. 

“Yeah,” Sam nods. 

Cas stares silently at Sam. Now he looks slightly frustrated. Is this still really going on? How is Sam not hearing Cas? He’s been talking for so long now. Cas looks 100% done with Sam and his lack of listening. 

“My penis is very large…” Cas raises his voice slightly.  _ “My penis is larger than Dean’s-” _

“Okay, Cas!” Dean cuts in. “I think that’s enough…”

Dean shoots him a look. Cas looks at Dean and rolls his eyes, gesturing towards Sam. Sam is still staring at his screen, clicking around, oblivious to everything else. Dean shrugs. Yeah, Sam isn’t paying attention. 

“If I set him on fire,” Cas says quietly to Dean, “Do you think he would notice?” Cas jokes. 

Dean chuckles to himself and turns around. 

Cas can have such a dark sense of humor. 

“Sam,” Cas says plainly. 

“Yeah?” Sam answers, not looking up. 

“I’m in love with your brother.”

“Yeah…”

Cas stares at Sam. A few silent minutes go by. Cas stands up and walks around the table. He closes Sam’s laptop. 

“Dude,” Sam whines. “Do you need something?”

Finally, a reaction. 

“Yes.” Cas walks over to Dean. “Watch this…” 

Dean is turned around and doesn’t notice Cas has walked over to him. Cas turns Dean to face him and Dean is a bit thrown. Cas quickly collides their lips together. It all happens so fast. The turning around, the leaning in, the kissing suddenly. Dean can’t react in any way other than kissing Cas back. 

“Holy shit,” Sam finally reacts. Cas pulls away and walks back over to the table, taking a seat. Dean is frozen and dazed for a second before he remembers to turn around to keep cooking. “Are y’all together?” Sam exclaims. 

“Yes,” Cas grunts. 

“Holy shit! When did this happen?”

Cas doesn’t answer. He just glares at Sam.

“What?” Sam asks. 

“He already told you this dude,” Dean laughs. “You weren’t paying attention…”

“Dean,” Sam exclaims again, “You’re with Cas now?”

“Talk to Cas, Sammy. He wanted to tell you.”

“Cas,” Sam huffs. “I’m sorry I was distracted… What happened?”

Cas looks at him a bit longer in pure silence then rolls his eyes. “Dean loves me… He said so.”

“So y’all are like-”

“Dating.” Cas gets up and walks out of the kitchen. 

Dean laughs again. Sam walks over to Dean. “I pissed him off,” Sam says. 

“Yeah, obviously,” Dean laughs. 

“So you-” Sam processes. “How long- Is- Is he your ‘secret girlfriend?’ _Was I right?!”_

“Uhh…” Dean thinks. “In a way… I guess so… Yeah.”

“That’s great…” Sam smiles. “You never told me that you…”

“I never told  _ anyone _ that I. Don’t take it personally…” Dean sighs. 

“Well,” Sam smiles. “It’s great… I… I hope he doesn’t stay mad at me.”

“He won’t,” Dean chuckles. 

“Dean,” Sam says, sounding serious. “I’m happy for you, man…”

“Thanks,” Dean turns the stove off. “I really fucking love him.” Sam smiles. “Now shut up and go get Jack. Food’s done.”

“Okay…” Sam turns to get him but he sees that Jack is already walking in with Cas.

“Dean likes Cas!” Jack shouts to Sam excitedly. 

“Jack,” Cas says, looking at Sam, “Knows how to  _ listen.” _

Dean laughs again. Cas is so sassy and snarky. Dean likes it. 

“Yeah, Dean likes Cas,” Sam replies to Jack. 

Dean likes Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know that person who is distracted and not listening but still replying, right? If not, it's the weirdest and most annoying thing ever.   
> And Sam can NOT join. 
> 
> Comment what you think!!! Please!!


End file.
